patrick.net

The problem is my shits won't be vital if we run out of TP for my bunghole because of the fucking doomsday preppers! I really enjoy my morning routine, don't take it away from me. Otherwise, left hand it is.

@mell have you considered buying a bidet? They make a detachable toilet seat you can convert a normal toilet into one that cleans your bunghole really good!
My sister in law got one for her house last year and they’re like TP? Who needs that?

Shaman says

@mell have you considered buying a bidet? They make a detachable toilet seat you can convert a normal toilet into one that cleans your bunghole really good!
My sister in law got one for her house last year and they’re like TP? Who needs that?

Thanks for the suggestion, we're renting, but if we buy here in the US there shall be a bidet! It's more of a European thing but they are indeed very useful. We don't plan on buying until in a few years though.

mell says

The problem is my shits won't be vital if we run out of TP for my bunghole because of the fucking doomsday preppers! I really enjoy my morning routine, don't take it away from me. Otherwise, left hand it is.

Another death of the daily newspaper lament. There's always junk mail.

Ok so my wife’s office mate is flying home from Boston tonight with a mask on because her son’s roommate tested positive for corona virus. Looks like she will have to be quarantined for a couple weeks as well. What’s that, three degrees of separation?

Shaman says

Ok so my wife’s office mate is flying home from Boston tonight with a mask on because her son’s roommate tested positive for corona virus. Looks like she will have to be quarantined for a couple weeks as well. What’s that, three degrees of separation?

Probably. If the sick people would wear masks instead of the healthy and everybody wash their hands after sneezing/coughing we could get this under control quickly. If you cough/sneeze into your clothes, make sure not to hug anybody and wash your clothes when you get home. I guess she'll be working from home as well, so even in the remote chance she does get sick the chain of transmission gets broken immediately. We just need everyone to do this.

Shaman says

@mell have you considered buying a bidet? They make a detachable toilet seat you can convert a normal toilet into one that cleans your bunghole really good!
My sister in law got one for her house last year and they’re like TP? Who needs that?

If you poops do not hit the water like like a WW2 torpedo bomber, and slash up enough water to rinse off the dingleberries, you need to eat more fiber.

Shaman says

@mell have you considered buying a bidet? They make a detachable toilet seat you can convert a normal toilet into one that cleans your bunghole really good!
My sister in law got one for her house last year and they’re like TP? Who needs that?

On a business trip I stayed at Grand Hotel Sitea in Turin Italy. Old school place. Food was the bomb. Well they had bidets. But they also had these long ass toilets.

Here's a picture:



I kept shitting on the porcelain and thinking to myself, "These damn Italians. All form over function. The fucking WATER is in the wrong place".

Well, later it occurred to me that maybe they expected me to straddle the shitter like a god damn bidet. Fuck no! Cleaning services got a gift from the American!

Don't even get me started about how bad it is doing business there. Not only do you have to go through the local Italian government but nothing gets done without the approval of 3 old wise men that speak some ancient language. They know cars but if the deal ain't cars it ain't happening.

The shower leaked too. Sprayed all over the fucking wall.

No back story. Too lazy. I. Hate. Italians.

just_dregalicious says

Shaman says

@mell have you considered buying a bidet? They make a detachable toilet seat you can convert a normal toilet into one that cleans your bunghole really good!
My sister in law got one for her house last year and they’re like TP? Who needs that?

On a business trip I stayed at Grand Hotel Sitea in Turin Italy. Old school place. Food was the bomb. Well they had bidets. But they also had these long ass toilets.

Here's a picture:



I kept shitting on the porcelain and thinking to myself, "These damn Italians. All form over function. The fucking WATER is in the wrong place".

Well, later it occurred to me that maybe they expected me to straddle the shitter like a god damn bidet. Fuck no! Cleaning services got a gift from the American!

Don't even get me started abo...

Lol Italians have always been like this, there's an Italian word for it. Still loveable people. The bidet is great mainly for kids and womyn. Or people running out of TP due to preppers.

I loved that trip. My escort was an English co-worker who spoke fluently because his beautiful wife was Italian.

True story about the 3 old wise men though and much much more. It's clear why we have the best STEM universities and very competitive business.

I've been feeling a bit GASSY lately.

Ok I may have it. Been having a sore throat for three days or so, got bad yesterday. Hurts to speak. No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up. Lying down makes my chest ache after a bit. Head is all weird feeling and my eyes sort of hurt. I don’t have much fever, about a degree.

No idea where I got it but I get to a lot public events lately, went out to eat at a super nice restaurant a week and a half ago, coach baseball with games, idk what else.

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Shaman says

No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up

If you're coughing up phlegm that may be good news that you don't have it. The cough is usually dry and not productive, esp. in the beginning. Also if the fever stays low that's also a good sign. All the best!

Shaman says

Ok I may have it. Been having a sore throat for three days or so, got bad yesterday. Hurts to speak. No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up. Lying down makes my chest ache after a bit. Head is all weird feeling and my eyes sort of hurt. I don’t have much fever, about a degree.

No idea where I got it but I get to a lot public events lately, went out to eat at a super nice restaurant a week and a half ago, coach baseball with games, idk what else.

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Best wishes for a short spat and mild case.

Thanks for the actionable information, too!

mell says

Shaman says

No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up

If you're coughing up phlegm that may be good news that you don't have it. The cough is usually dry and not productive, esp. in the beginning. Also if the fever stays low that's also a good sign. All the best!

Ok it’s more like the phlegm is in my throat and I sort of hack it up. It’s not coming from my lungs at this point.

Shaman says

Ok I may have it. Been having a sore throat for three days or so, got bad yesterday. Hurts to speak. No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up. Lying down makes my chest ache after a bit. Head is all weird feeling and my eyes sort of hurt. I don’t have much fever, about a degree.

No idea where I got it but I get to a lot public events lately, went out to eat at a super nice restaurant a week and a half ago, coach baseball with games, idk what else.

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Sounds like exactly what I had this past week. No fever, no aching, sore throat first couple days, and horrible thick grayish phlegm causing coughing like crazy. Was prescribed some cough pills which I’ve never had before and antibiotics. 50% improvement after one day on the antibiotics and near 100% improvement on the cough/phlegm. I felt almost ok to go back to work but doctor said I should take at least two more days off.

The doctor seemed really familiar with what was going on with me so I guess some wierd bacteria that’s going around LA/OC.

APOCALYPSEFUCKisShostikovitch says

LADIES! REMEMBER! CHOSE LIFE!

BREATH THROUGH MY PENIS!

There are no ladies on patnet!

mell says

There are no ladies on patnet!

Or gentlemen. Brigands and agitprop repeating stations only!

Shaman says

Ok I may have it. Been having a sore throat for three days or so, got bad yesterday. Hurts to speak. No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up. Lying down makes my chest ache after a bit. Head is all weird feeling and my eyes sort of hurt. I don’t have much fever, about a degree.

No idea where I got it but I get to a lot public events lately, went out to eat at a super nice restaurant a week and a half ago, coach baseball with games, idk what else.

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Gargle with salt water. Whenever I am on the road, I know I can always get salt packets from a restaurant if I am feeling like I am getting sick. Will provide relief to a sore throat as well as kill bugs.

willywonka says

Shaman says

Ok I may have it. Been having a sore throat for three days or so, got bad yesterday. Hurts to speak. No runny nose just green stuff I’m coughing up. Lying down makes my chest ache after a bit. Head is all weird feeling and my eyes sort of hurt. I don’t have much fever, about a degree.

No idea where I got it but I get to a lot public events lately, went out to eat at a super nice restaurant a week and a half ago, coach baseball with games, idk what else.

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Gargle with salt water. Whenever I am on the road, I know I can always get salt packets from a restaurant if I am feeling like I am getting sick. Will provide relief to a sore throat as well as kill bugs.

Or suck on raw peeled garlic cloves, you can make a small incision to get the juices to flow out faster, never failed so far, tremendously betters any sore throat within 30 minutes.

Or suck on raw peeled garlic cloves, you can make a small incision to get the juices to flow out faster, never failed so far, tremendously betters any sore throat within 30 minutes.

Yes, and absolutely guarantees you will not have the opportunity to inadvertently spread the germs by kissing.

https://wgntv.com/news/coronavirus/tom-hanks-rita-wilson-test-positive-for-covid-19/

Tom Hanks got it and he’s in Australia? Who knows if he got it there or elsewhere?

@shaman your link has a link to:

GENOA, Italy (Nexstar Media Wire/CNN) – A quarantined woman in Italy was forced to remain in her apartment with the body of her dead husband for over 24 hours, CNN reports.

The unidentified woman's husband died inside their home at 2 a.m. local time on Monday. He had previously tested positive for coronavirus.

The woman lives in the northwestern coastal province of Borghetto Santo Spirito, west of Genoa.

Mayor Giancarlo Canepa confirmed the story to CNN, saying, "Yes, it is true she is still there with the body and we won’t be able to remove it until Wednesday morning."

Canepa said her husband refused to be hospitalized and authorities were forced to follow security protocol.

Local television news station IVG.IT reported that the widow had been seen crying for help from the balcony of the apartment.

After about 30 hours, workers collected the man's body and transported him to Milan, where an autopsy will be performed.

Officials say the woman is now getting help from a psychologist.

.......... daaaaymn!

A quarantined woman in Italy was forced to remain in her apartment with the body of her dead husband for over 24 hours,

Would have been even worse if the wife had to keep the pet cats from eating the corpse.....

Still sick, head pounding, nose a bit stuffy, and chest tight.
I need to rattle some bones and chase de bad spirits away mon!

www.youtube.com/embed/AZo5rV8xuEA

just_dregalicious says

A quarantined woman in Italy was forced to remain in her apartment with the body of her dead husband for over 24 hours, CNN reports.

What, the apartment didn't have windows to dump him out of? After years of nagging, she finally got her opportunity.

Mayor of Florence, Italy, held PR Stunt encouraging people to hug Chinese hours before Italy imposed quarantine measures.

https://summit.news/2020/03/12/mayor-of-florence-encouraged-italians-to-hug-a-chinese-before-coronavirus-pandemic-hit/

NoCoupForYou says

Mayor of Florence, Italy, held PR Stunt encouraging people to hug Chinese hours before Italy imposed quarantine measures.

https://summit.news/2020/03/12/mayor-of-florence-encouraged-italians-to-hug-a-chinese-before-coronavirus-pandemic-hit/

#fuckingmoron

Gimme a big Asshoe Hug, ya Lunk!

NoCoupForYou says

Mayor of Florence, Italy, held PR Stunt encouraging people to hug Chinese hours before Italy imposed quarantine measures.

https://summit.news/2020/03/12/mayor-of-florence-encouraged-italians-to-hug-a-chinese-before-coronavirus-pandemic-hit/

Italians are dip shits.... Maybe not the deli/meat market guys, but the rest are dead pony bits.

The Mayor of Florence is facing fresh criticism after he encouraged Italians to “Hug a Chinese” as a stand against racism before Italy was later forced to quarantine its entire country because of the coronavirus.

The story is yet another illustration of how political correctness can actually sometimes be dangerous if not fatal.

Italy is now under a complete lockdown after the country was ravaged by coronavirus. Current figures show over 12,000 recorded infections with 827 deaths.

Many observers have criticized Italy’s left-wing government for not taking tougher measures earlier, but their reaction was significantly less embarrassing than how Mayor of Florence Dario Nardella responded to the outbreak.

Back in February, as the first cases of coronavirus were being recorded in Italy, Nardella launched an anti-racism hashtag campaign which translates as “hug a Chinese.”

#AbbracciaUnCinese, lol

Buddy of mine (who I saw briefly over this past weekend) just went in to get tested.

I'm isolating until his results come back.

Buddy of mine (who I saw briefly over this past weekend) just went in to get tested.

If we did not know you were speaking about Wuhan Plague, that sentence sounds like you gave you buddy the clap.

Shaman says

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Drink plenty of tonic water seriously.

Tenpoundbass says

Shaman says

I’ll keep you all updated. I’m in Orange County, CA.

Drink plenty of tonic water seriously.

Tonic water? For the quinine? Is that one of the anti-malarial drugs that may work on CV-19? Or are you just making Mickey about how some other anti-malarial drugs are being tested against CV-19? I do wonder how the antimalarial drugs would work, since malaria is caused by a protozoan, and CV-19 is a virus.

HeadSet says

I do wonder how the antimalarial drugs would work, since malaria is caused by a protozoan, and CV-19 is a virus.

There has never been any serious research in how to cure people with viral malaise. The focus is on vaccines, and over the counter treatment. Then if you require hospital they got medical equipment and more powerful version of the over the counter stuff. Plus antibiotics for any infection you may have picked up. Thanks to the Establishment's global panic over the Covid19. I suspect there will be a lot of treatment advances for the various strains of the Common Cold and the Flu.
It will be preferable to treat the sick, rather than treating the whole population like lab rats and injecting them with shit that will give them shingles and other unwanted shit as they get older.

We'll never make a disease extinct, I'm glad we're focusing on cure, as there has been great interest making sure we haven't until now.

I think suffering through the full course of a Cold or Flu, will be a thing of the past in the near future.

The Anti Malaria drugs aren't the only promising drugs that has been reported in the last two months. But it is the most hopeful. France has had 100% success rate with 40 cases. All of them virus free, within 6 days.