patrick.net

curious2 says

New Renter says

each encounter should be required by law to be videotaped by an independent witness

There's an app for that!

It's also reportedly a hidden feature of many hotels.

Well whadda know!

Free divorce for Valentine's Day

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2277216/Free-divorce-Valentines-Day-Attorney-launches-unorthodox-competition-help-unhappy-couples-forward.html#axzz2JiANsxMo

Oxygen says

Free divorce for Valentine's Day

Here’s my analysis of the link you posted: Don’t be a rung on someone else’s climb on the social ladder. Guard your heart carefully. Don’t trust beyond your ability to survive betrayals cost. Most will use you to better themselves and discard you when temptation surpasses their ability to control their own greed.

Here's one that requires deep, deep metaphorical analysis by all who dare to read further (don't read this). On the surface, it sounds so very simple, but in the end (no pun intended), can be most cleansing:

“He who eats too many prunes will sit on toilet for many moons.”

After reading the above quote, one must ask, “What is my prune and where is my toilet?”

The next quote is near and dear to my heart. This one I especially love. It drives me to be a better individual:

“That which we hate most is within us.”

This is a link to two things I most hold dear in life. It is these things that I find make life most worth living.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/3sQEb9TSACY

Maintenance Often Costs More Than Purchase
Avoid horses, boats, airplanes, wives, kids, co-ops, time-shares, and country clubs.

http://www.esquire.com/features/finances/the-20-immutable-laws-of-personal-finance-1-10#slide-15

Confucius once said "for a man, love is 95% horniness and 5% weakness" so that's enough said about love.

divorce rates in California are higher than the nation average. and yes there is a 75% of unhappiness if you choose to get married.

marrying a mail-order bride has only 20% divorce rate.

if you must marry American, choose one that makes at least as much money as you do because chances are you will get used, abused, cheated on, divorced but at least you won't lose any money.

Buster says

Religion % have been divorced

Jews 30%

Born-again Christians 27%

Other Christians 24%

Atheists, Agnostics 21%

this makes perfect sense. you can only give so much "love" so the more you love "God" then the less you love your spouse.

Oxygen says

Maintenance Often Costs More Than Purchase

Avoid horses, boats, airplanes, wives, kids, co-ops, time-shares, and country clubs.

Too long-winded.

IF IT FLOATS, FLIES, OR FUCKS IT'S CHEAPER TO RENT!

Happily married since 2005. She's careful with money like me, so a good match. Maybe you end up with a bad one, maybe a good one. As my 5 year old says "you'll never know, until you go!". People too afraid to give commitment a shot are losers IMO.

Vincente:

Married people like yourself, who view singles as losers are pathetic, and I can tell .. your snide comment is directed .. mostly at men. You a feminist fer sure now.

Vicente says

People too afraid to give commitment a shot are losers IMO.

So go buy another house already!

Or are you a commitment shy loser?

http://www.youtube.com/embed/QlvuatQH12E

everything says

Married people like yourself, who view singles as losers are pathetic, and I can tell .. your snide comment is directed .. mostly at men. You a feminist fer sure now.

I have a bevy of friends who FEAR commitment of any sort however, endlessly trying out new mates and finding each of them wanting and discarding them. At a certain point it's the Princess and the Pea story. I recently demoted some of my pre-marriage friends this last year. The aging Lothario trying to chat up the 20-year old waitress is eventually just unpleasant to watch.

I have nothing against single people at all. If you are happy that way fine. However some of them aren't actually happy, they are constantly searching for something after all, if they are dating. At some point you should dive in.

It's been a while since I've come back here but I have to thank all of you for sharing your insight and experiences. That was a very educational and entertaining read folks.

I know this wasn't addressed to us girls, but as I think you all know, that is an open invitation for a women to read it. :-)

The key to a healthy relationship is work. Yes, you have to remember what you appreciated about the person the first year you knew them. It's true, it's not as easy to keep passion alive when you go to the bathroom and get sick in the space. When the chase is over and realize that the other person is also just a person with faults -boom-, it gets harder. But it also gets easier, because you realize new things you love about them too. Love does grow and blossom, if you make sure to nurture it.

I'm still in love with my husband after 25 years. We still argue, but we know that we are not going anywhere, so it's safe to disagree. We have learned to take care not to make each other's family the enemy, which is often too easy to do. We also don't make finances the center of our world. We both know that dirt poor or rich would not make a difference to our bond, just our ease of life. Too many people (especially women) make too big a deal about money in a relationship; if a man can help buy her a car, house, a ring, etc. And too many people are too hung up on youth and appearances (especially men) which is another issue because everyone gets old, and no one should feel like they will be ignored when they get there. Avoid people who can't get over these two trappings; they are not ready for a committed relationship.

Also, keep in mind that your spouse is not your enemy. Too many husbands and wives go into competition with each other to see who is the "better" or more loving partner. Don't go there.

That all said, the most important thing to remember is no one is perfect, so you love them with all your heart, imperfections and all. Make an effort to appreciate each other and say it too. Be grateful. Say a prayer, or affirmation of gratitude in your heart for them. Stop, hug and grab each other's hand. These are difficult times, we are all tired and we all need love and appreciation. All of us; liberals, conservatives, bears and bulls, all of us.

I love being married to my husband and I adore our glue. :-) I could never get through this world without his love.

hrhjuliet, refreshing to sometimes get a real woman's perspective who understands it's not about money and appearances. Thank you as well.

You also made an interesting point about men being more caught up on appearances and women more on money (if you have to choose a sex).

My 33yrs of experience has been a little different living in the Bay Area. You are spot on about women caring about a man's wallet more than a man caring about a woman's, in general.

But when it comes to appearances, it's a coin toss as to which sex is generally shallower in that regard... I've encountered just as many shallow women as men when it comes to the appearances dept. Imagine what it would be if women didn't have a biological clock...

BayArea says

hrhjuliet, refreshing to sometimes get a real woman's perspective who understands it's not about money and appearances. Thank you as well.

You also made an interesting point about men being more caught up on appearances and women more on money (if you have to choose a sex).

My 33yrs of experience has been a little different living in the Bay Area. You are spot on about women caring about a man's wallet more than a man caring about a woman's, in general.

But when it comes to appearances, it's a coin toss as to which sex is generally shallower in that regard... I've encountered just as many shallow women as men when it comes to the appearances dept.

True, especially about height and eye color, which is terribly shallow and stupid. When I met my husband we were the same height (I am 5.6) but he ended up 6.2. I remember telling one of my height obsessed girlfriends that I couldn't remember him miraculously becoming a better man at 6.2 - seemed to be the same exact guy.

I've met a lot of guys in the Bay who won't date a girl who can't help him put a down payment on a house, so you are right, it goes both ways.

Still, both should be signs the other person isn't ready for a committed relationship.

Also, I used to joke in my early twenties that the bigger the diamond she required the shorter the duration of the marriage. Sad thing is: it's been true.

hrhjuliet says

True, especially about height and eye color, which is terribly shallow and stupid. When I met my husband we were the same height (I am 5.6) but he ended up 6.2. I remember telling one of height obsessed girlfriends that I couldn't remember him miraculously becoming a better man at 6.2 - seemed to be the same exact guy.

I've met a lot of guys in the Bay who won't date a girl who can't help him put a down payment on a house, so you are right, it goes both ways.

Still, both should be signs the other person isn't ready for a committed relationship.

Exactly my point.

I don't know any guys that have a height cut-off for a girl. The MAJORITY of girls I know do have a height cut-off for guys.

It seems like 5'8" is that threshold that I keep hearing from girls. It can be made up for by personality and/or money, but not always easily as it can be tough to get that chance to show what you else can offer. Kinda sad, but that's how our world works.

And I agree with you on the diamond comment... Size of required diamond is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage. Has anyone here ever actually got married to a girl that specified a diamond size requirement? Good gawd, lol.

Haven't heard of eye color, but how's green sounding ;-)

I'd heard of the diamond size thing too, so I bought a nice ring with a very modest diamond for my sweetie. She was still thrilled to be marrying me, which proved to me that she was definitely the one.
For our five year anniversary I surprised her by "upgrading" it to a really nice rock she can be proud of in front of her more materialistic friends. Turns out the larger stone was a good investment too. I think it's value has gone up 50% since.

I've heard that the tradition of placing an aged piece of cut carbon on girl's finger to prove your genuine intentions to marry her is something that was invented about 90yrs ago.

Brilliant!

a href="http://patrick.net/?p=1220286&c=1077793#comment-1077793">BayArea says

It seems like 5'8" is that threshold that I keep hearing from girls. It can be made up for in personality and/or money, but not always easily. Kinda sad, but that's how our world works.

And I agree with you on the diamond comment... Size of required diamond is inversely proportional to the length of the marriage. Has anyone here ever actually got married to a girl that specified a diamond size requirement? Good gawd, lol.

Shouldn't be how our world works, and in healthy relationships it doesn't work that way. :-)

Oh goodness, if I had a dime for every time a heard one of my girlfriends attribute how much a guy loved them by the ring they got. Sickening. Have you heard of upgrading? Very popular in the Valley, a guy does well and he is expected to get her a new and fancier ring. I have a simple metal band, and it was put on my finger on my wedding day by my husband's hands and for no reason under the sun is it coming off for a fancier ring possibly mined by children - no thank you. Beware of the big wedding girl too. Weddings have turned into pageants for the bride, and the man is just an accessory. We had a beautiful wedding, but we kept it super simple. It was a lovely day because the pressure was low and we made it about our loved ones sharing our lives, not a photo fest.

Basically, be careful who you choose to marry. Marriage is a long business and superficial, selfish and prideful people usually don't last long in the business.

Spot on again!

I am very weary of the pageant pride. Major red flag... on the same level as the min rock size bride. RUN

Juliet, as someone that has been married for 25yrs, do you believe that we have an obligation to stay in shape and do our part to keep up appearances as best we can for ourselves and the other person (within reason of course)?

BayArea says

Spot on again!

I am very weary of the pageant pride. Major red flag... on the same level as the min rock size bride. RUN

Sounds like you will do very well. :-)
You've got your head on straight and it sounds like you found a nice girl.

hrhjuliet says

BayArea says

Spot on again!

I am very weary of the pageant pride. Major red flag... on the same level as the min rock size bride. RUN

Sounds like you will do very well. :-)

You've got your head on straight and it sounds like you found a nice girl.

Thank you and I certainly hope so.

BayArea says

Juliet, as someone that has been married for 25yrs, do you believe that we have an obligation to stay in shape and do our part to keep up appearances as best we can for ourselves and the other person (within reason of course)?

You are asking an ex-professional ballerina. ;-) And we have been together for 25 years and married for eleven. We both wanted to finish college first to qualify for certain scholarships, so waited to get married.

My answer should be yes, but it's more complicated than that. In theory no, not a requirement, but something nice you do for your spouse on many levels. Everyone likes to see a healthy person at any age, and we are deprived of aesthetics enough in this era. The second reason is I want my husband to live a long and healthy life, so it makes me less anxious to see him take care of himself. It makes a difference, it truly does. I want lots of healthy years with my husband and boys, that's why I make the choice to feed my family healthy foods and take the boys to dance class and hikes with us. We all eat very healthy, and hike, bike and dance. We also don't drink alcohol which is unusual. We only drink water and coffee.

I thought the secret to successful long term marriage was chandelier swinging and naked trapeze riding wife swapping parties at monthly intervals.

Ceffer says

I thought the secret to successful long term marriage was chandelier swinging and naked trapeze riding wife swapping parties at monthly intervals.

I can do the first half successfully, expertly even, but no swapping. No one touches me or my man.

Ok, I'll throw something into this fire, if you're an American guy ... if you hadn't met Ms Right by the ages of 23 to 25, don't bother.

Afterwards, ppl lose their innocence and become opportunistic and manipulative.

Rin says

Ok, I'll throw something into this fire, if you're an American guy ... if you hadn't met Ms Right by the ages of 23 to 25, don't bother.

Afterwards, ppl lose their innocence and become opportunistic and manipulative.

Not all people. The nicest couple I know met and married, both for the first time, in their forties. The kindest and most genuine couple I have ever known.

hrhjuliet says

Rin says

Ok, I'll throw something into this fire, if you're an American guy ... if you hadn't met Ms Right by the ages of 23 to 25, don't bother.

Afterwards, ppl lose their innocence and become opportunistic and manipulative.

Not all people. The nicest couple I know met and married, both for the first time, in their forties. The kindest and most genuine couple I have ever known.

I'm not saying that it's not possible but probabilities go down dramatically, after the age of innocence.

Rin says

I'm not saying that it's not possible but probabilities go down dramatically, after the age of innocence.

You might be right that it gets harder. When I met my husband he was short, skinny, freckled, and his teeth hadn't grown into his face, and I was chubby cheeked, freakishly skinny, and badly in need of braces. Our sexy ride was our old rusty bikes, and money simply meant ice cream after a movie. And we couldn't have been more in love.

The world jades people pretty bad, but there are lots of people who manage to not let the world ruin them. They are out there at every age.

sbh says

hrhjuliet says

And we couldn't have been more in love.

I'm truly proud for you. I feel the same way about my wife. Her only flaw is her lousy taste in men.

:-)

hrhjuliet says

sbh says

hrhjuliet says

And we couldn't have been more in love.

I'm truly proud for you. I feel the same way about my wife. Her only flaw is her lousy taste in men.

:-)

See....isn't life good guys?
Now let me jump on my wife before she gets her headache.

sbh says

Strategist says

Now let me jump on my wife before she gets her headache.

Drink your tea first.

Bah ha ha!

Marriage is OK but the marriages that I see usually have one partner carrying the load.
My friend here asked me about my girlfriend who was upset and mean on skype. I told him she loses her temper and I'm often pissed off, "It's like marriage". Oh oh.
The biology of the sexual attraction is that it wears off by about 5 years, sometimes sooner. The "seven year itch" is the time you are ready to leave no matter how expensive it is.
California is a deadly state to be married in unless you have a premarital agreement. I know of many nightmares, wife and husband being unreasonable in random cases.
My friend married a guy and they worked and had 3 houses, one practically paid for, one cash flow positive, the one they lived in had lots of equity. The husband wanted to leave and be with a girlfriend but was so angry that the wife sued for divorce, he allowed all 3 houses to be foreclosed so that she would be "out in the street".
If you ever do get married or "buy the cow" as some say, make sure you have not had serious doubts about her anger or background.
The notion of being lonely is valid, but if kids are not in the picture, then marriage is not a necessity in California. You can co-habitate for as long as it works.

sbh says

hrhjuliet says

sbh says

Strategist says

Now let me jump on my wife before she gets her headache.

Drink your tea first.

Bah ha ha!

Our private joke at home is oleander salad and wild mushrooms: "Here, darlin' your lunch is ready."

I actually drank oleander tea as kid, at what my mother called our macabre tea party, no joke. I had my stomach pumped and almost died. I had put oleander in my tea to make it pretty. My sister let the doctor shove the tube down her throat, but I fought him, so I spent my toddler years sounding like the exorcist. It was actually very sad. My dad came home and ripped out every bush when he got home. You still can't say the word oleander around my father.

Also, I am afraid in the Boardwalk photo I look like someone who might poison someone's tea. Technically I have poisoned my twin sister's tea, but she lived and with her voice intact. It was me who put the flowers in our tea, so it was my doing. So look out Strategist.

clambo says

The notion of being lonely is valid, but if kids are not in the picture, then marriage is not a necessity in California. You can co-habitate for as long as it works.

I thought marriage wouldn't change anything, just a piece of paper and all that, but I was pleasantly surprised that it did change things. The day of the wedding was undescribable. All I can say in words is that having all your loved ones and your spouse's loved ones looking so happy and beautiful, and all there to witness your family be joined, well, it's magical. Also, it took me years before any one calling me Mrs. plus my husband's name didn't make me smile. It still makes me happy.