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Uncle Tom


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2021 Jul 6, 12:00pm   1,733 views  21 comments

by WookieMan   ➕follow (1)   💰tip   ignore  

Most I'll dox myself on this site. It's my first name. I have a black nephew that we'll be taking guardianship of. I could talk to a therapist, but I'll ask my patnet therapist. I feel weird as fuck being called uncle Tom around my nephew. I don't know if people do it in jest or not. It's fucking weird as a non-racist person. I'm fine with him saying it, I'm his uncle. But when other adults say it I feel like they're trolling me/him. Am I looking too much into this?

I've taken him up to Wisconsin 2 summers ago. Bar had TouchTunes. Everything was fine for 10 minutes after we sat down. Then we ordered and every song was filled with nigger that some ass hat was playing. I'm not a leftie race baiting guy as evidenced here, but there are some mother fuckers out there that are messed up in the head. It's upsetting when you experience it. It's a god damn kid for christ sake. Closest I've been to getting into physical conflict by my choice in my life. Was outnumbered 4:1 though I think I could have taken 3 of them down. Anger was strong.

And yes, black culture is toxic. Pick on a kid though that way? WTF? I don't post much, but needed to vent. Trying to navigate new waters with this situation. Not sure if anyone has been in it with a kid, spouse or family member.

Comments 1 - 21 of 21        Search these comments

1   Onvacation   2021 Jul 6, 12:07pm  

WookieMan says
Am I looking too much into this?

Probably. Unless the adults around you are racist, they're pulling your chain.

They'll keep doing it, ESPECIALLY, if you react to it. Embrace your new title, uncle Tom. You might even consider changing your patnet name.
2   richwicks   2021 Jul 6, 12:15pm  

Onvacation says
They'll keep doing it, ESPECIALLY, if you react to it. Embrace your new title, uncle Tom. You might even consider changing your patnet name.


Yes, I'm Richard Wicks. Dick Wicks. Nobody can insult me or demean me that I don't respect more than myself and there's not many of them.

WookieMan says
Closest I've been to getting into physical conflict by my choice in my life. Was outnumbered 4:1 though I think I could have taken 3 of them down. Anger was strong.


Laugh it off. When people try to insult me using lowbrow tactics, I just have to laugh at them.

Want to really insult me? Demonstrate that a long held belief I've had, that I'm certain of, and have espoused repeatedly to other people, is entirely wrong, and my logic and reasoning was fundamentally flawed and stupid. Something that should have been OBVIOUS to me, if I just thought about it. That will humiliate me for a few days.

Really other people can't piss you off, only you can piss yourself off.
3   FuckTheMainstreamMedia   2021 Jul 6, 12:33pm  

All you can do is the same as with any other kid. Teach him that it’s he who controls his destiny in life and the only way he gets there is to work harder than anyone else. Race doesn’t play a part in it. Who he is as a person does. Character matters.

This isn’t to whitewash the negative history of the US treatment of blacks. It should be taught to him at an appropriate age.

One of my godsons is half black half hispanic. I’ve thought about this stuff quite a bit. It’s important he knows he’s loved and it’s important he knows how to be a man. Everything else is chow meow.
4   Tenpoundbass   2021 Jul 6, 12:51pm  

The song was on the touch tunes then it was fair game, I wouldn't read to much into who played it or their intent. That music like the people who play it, is just low brow.
They would have played it regardless if you and he went there or not. I can't imagine that being a red neck place with those selections on the jukebox.

I'm called Uncle Ted by everyone my two daughters ever hung out with in Highschool. I still see random black and white dudes, that recognize me better than I recognized them.
"Hey Uncle Ted!" me: "I'm sorry what which one were you?"

I had to adopt three babies back to back one after another, from the Step Daughter older than my other two daughters.
It amazes me that Britney Spears needs the court permission to have another kid, but the Judge didn't order the step daughter's tubes tied after the first one.
5   joshuatrio   2021 Jul 6, 12:59pm  

Uncle Tom was a hero. Take it as a compliment. People calling each other that name as slander are ignorant.

Do some reading on the history and then educate those around. That shit will stop quick.
6   krc   2021 Jul 6, 1:15pm  

WookieMan says
Then we ordered and every song was filled with nigger that some ass hat was playing


Are you sure it was deliberate baiting? You would be surprised the number of n-word lyrics in mainstream music that is out there. Ironically, very popular still with the white suburban middle class teen.
7   Shaman   2021 Jul 6, 1:18pm  

joshuatrio says
Uncle Tom was a hero. Take it as a compliment. People calling each other that name as slander are ignorant.

Do some reading on the history and then educate those around. That shit will stop quick.


This is good advice: maybe some required reading is in order. Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book was one of the catalysts for the Emancipation Proclamation. There’s no shame in righting a great wrong. But most people would rather be part of the group than be right, moral, or even healthy.
8   clambo   2021 Jul 6, 1:24pm  

I don’t think you should feel odd.

But, I’m confused why you go into bars in general, and with a young guy in particular.

I think bars are toxic too. I’m okay with a bar in a restaurant, there are a few here that are classy (rip-off).

I hang out with a pretty black girl from time to time. She thinks people are staring at us.
I told her maybe they are, but they can be 1. Looking at her 2. Curious about what I am doing with her.
9   WookieMan   2021 Jul 6, 1:34pm  

krc says
WookieMan says
Then we ordered and every song was filled with nigger that some ass hat was playing


Are you sure it was deliberate baiting? You would be surprised the number of n-word lyrics in mainstream music that is out there. Ironically, very popular still with the white suburban middle class teen.

These were grown men. It was Wisconsin. This was shit/music from the 90's I grew up with. They knew what they were doing. There's not a black up in the place I was at. They probably see 1-5 black people a year in person. That kind of place.

I'm just noticing race from a different perspective. I'm not gonna go all leftie on someone. He's going to have a better life out of this. He knew what was going on though. That's why I brought up uncle Tom. I don't think it's a term he understands yet. He knows nigger unfortunately. It's a challenge to undo what his mom did to him. This uncle Tom thing is more my emotions.

I appreciate all the feedback though. Learning curve is extremely different with this experience. Trying to be positive about it. Hurts when people intentionally fuck with a child though.
10   Tenpoundbass   2021 Jul 6, 2:13pm  

clambo says
I hang out with a pretty black girl from time to time. She thinks people are staring at us.


You should tell her, to just reassure everyone, that she isn't going to take the waitress for a pony tail ride across the dining room floor. And toss all of the shit on this side of the cash register on their side, if anyone screws up the order.

I used to bring this nice Jamaican kid to work with me as a helper, way back 30 years ago, when I did carpet.
We stopped at a great NY Style Jewish Deli Restaurant, and he would tell me, he thinks everyone was staring at him.
I mean I think he got his red necks and Jews confused. Or he thought we were at a road side biscuits and gravy joint.
I was really looking forward to a Too Jay's Rueben, but had to leave, because his hissy fit grew stronger the longer we stayed. He was talking about waiting in the car.

I'm probably the most intune person the planet, and have a strong perception of other peoples tensions or hidden agendas.
And no Jew in that joint was throwing him any looks. I think people in the black community have been just as brainwashed about what will happen to them if they go to a White joint. Than we were warned what would happen to us if we went to Overtown at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night alone, walking down dark corridors. The only difference of course...
11   Tenpoundbass   2021 Jul 6, 2:20pm  

And here's another thing, as a White person if you don't get looks from the other patrons in an all black Package Store, Corner Store, or Fish Fry stand, when you're deep in the Hood. Then you probably need to pull your damn pants up, and cut those white dreds out of your hair.
You can be noticed without being intimidated. I go to plenty of places, and am noticed for not being their normal clientele.
Latin Bar, or Restaurant are another place I may notice people noticing me, I don't reel in fear or feel dejected somehow.

I'm sick of POC people going to a places like Moose Lodge, and act like they are going to get lynched because they are the only Black or Latino person there.
12   EBGuy   2021 Jul 6, 2:30pm  

From Spark Notes motifs:
Christ Figures
As befits its religious preoccupation, the novel presents two instances of a sacrificial death linked to Christ’s. Eva and Tom, the two most morally perfect characters in the novel, both die in atmospheres of charged religious belief, and both die, in a sense, to achieve salvation for others. Eva’s death leads to St. Clare’s deathbed conversion to Christianity and to Ophelia’s recognition and denunciation of her own racial prejudice. Tom’s death leads to Emmeline and Cassy’s escape and to the freedom of all the slaves on the Shelby farm in Kentucky. Both Tom and Eva are explicitly compared to Christ: Ophelia says that Eva resembles Jesus, and the narrator depicts Tom carrying his cross behind Jesus. This motif of Christ-like sacrifice and death enables Stowe to underscore her basic point about Christian goodness while holding up models of moral perfection for her reader to emulate.

The gospel writer Matthew, begins Chapter 5 with The Beatitudes and it goes downhill from there, culminating with love your enemies. All impossible tasks. Mathew 5:47 stands out to me (in the NIV translation):
And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
Perhaps you can print that out on a business card and give it to folks in bars that are less than welcoming. Some may even be convicted. Others, I suppose, may come out swinging.
Peace.
13   GreaterNYCDude   2021 Jul 6, 2:55pm  

As for people calling you Uncle Tom... probably reading a bit too much into it. Some jackwagon playing gangsta rap in Hicksville, WI... he / they were probably trying to get a rise out of you two and didn't think for a millisecond about the fact your nephew's just a kid.

If your new title bothers you too much go by Uncle Thomas or possibly Uncle Chewie. (You know.. the wookie. )

Frankly I never read the book, so I have no opinion on it.

Also talk to your nephew about it. If he noticed. How he felt. Etc. Explain that people are ignorant. Teach him when to stand up and when to let things go. As bad as the N word is, in my view it's still just a word. It only gives power to wound if you let it. I'd tell you and him to let it go, but that's easy to say from afar. If I were in the bar with you I may well fell differently in the moment, as you did.

I applaud you for taking this kid in and teaching him right from wrong. It isn't easy rasing children in this day and age. The added complexity of your situation as it pertains to race can't help. Keep your chin up and let them come up to your level, don't stoop down to theirs.

When in doubt go with your gut. Sounds like this young man needs good role models in his life such as yourself.
14   WookieMan   2021 Jul 6, 3:11pm  

clambo says
I don’t think you should feel odd.

But, I’m confused why you go into bars in general, and with a young guy in particular.

I think bars are toxic too. I’m okay with a bar in a restaurant, there are a few here that are classy (rip-off).

I hang out with a pretty black girl from time to time. She thinks people are staring at us.
I told her maybe they are, but they can be 1. Looking at her 2. Curious about what I am doing with her.

When I say bar I mean restaurant. Just used to calling it a bar from where I'm from. Regional dialect.

Women are different though. Especially adults. This is a kid. I get it's in a lot of music, but this was clearly intentional. Total low class move even for a racist.

Tenpoundbass says
Latin Bar, or Restaurant are another place I may notice people noticing me, I don't reel in fear or feel dejected somehow.

I don't either which is why I brought it up. I've never had anyone fuck with me though. Let alone someone fucking with my kid. I've been in Southern Mississippi and the only white thing I could see were their eyeballs. Yet no on ever fucked with me.

I don't think white people are overtly racist. I'm just noticing that some really are I guess. I'm not going to raise this kid though to think he screwed because he's black though. Because he's not.
15   mell   2021 Jul 6, 3:12pm  

The leftoids tell you to embrace these jungle tunes. If you don't you're a raycyst bigot - so yeah it's fair game, doesn't matter who plays it and why. Once you get into the guessing game you get into leftoid thought crime territory. There was a Swedish (anti-racist) band named Clawfinger who wrote a song called nigger which was about how horrible that glorifying, self denigrating music filled with nigger expletives everywhere is and it would say "you (who likes it and twerks to it) are the real nigger!" Anyways I'm not for censoring music but as long as this is glorified by the left and mandated disco/bar material there is no way blaming anyone for playing it, no matter how redneck white they are. We should probably start first by acknowledging people who say they don't like this type of music instead of calling them rayscyst.
16   mell   2021 Jul 6, 3:21pm  

Which reminds me I love One in a million by Guns and Roses, it's a great guitar tune, and it's basically sung from the context/mindset of a (somewhat racist) redneck. The word nigger appears once (as well as faggot) I think and GnR never played it live again, it's basically "banned by consensus". I would live to see them playing it live but it's clear that will never happen again, but the nigger bombs of contemporary rnb, rap and hip hop make up for it plentifully ;)
17   EBGuy   2021 Jul 6, 3:30pm  

I'm just a small town white boy, tryin' to make ends meet.
Funny, I thought of that song too, when trying to conjure up what Wookieman heard. Made me think of Axl's intro to Welcome to Jungle, when describing his arrival in LA....
18   WookieMan   2021 Jul 6, 3:30pm  

mell says
The leftoids tell you to embrace these jungle tunes. If you don't you're a raycyst bigot - so yeah it's fair game, doesn't matter who plays it and why.

I get this point of view. I hate the music myself regardless of any words. It was just trolling a kid is where my break down occurs. They knew they had me outnumbered too. It was cowardly I guess is what I'm getting at, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. So now my nephew has a different outlook on white people. He's mentioned it. His baby momma (SIL) doesn't help in all this either. When your mom tells you you'll be oppressed because you're black living in suburbia, it's hard to undo the damage.

People are fucked up. I swear logic is non-existent at this point. Or SIL is retarded. Not sure the difference at this point.
19   FortwayeAsFuckJoeBiden   2021 Jul 6, 3:34pm  

Don’t make life altering decisions over transient causes.

Yes you are letting it get to you too much.
20   mell   2021 Jul 6, 3:43pm  

WookieMan says
mell says
The leftoids tell you to embrace these jungle tunes. If you don't you're a raycyst bigot - so yeah it's fair game, doesn't matter who plays it and why.

I get this point of view. I hate the music myself regardless of any words. It was just trolling a kid is where my break down occurs. They knew they had me outnumbered too. It was cowardly I guess is what I'm getting at, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. So now my nephew has a different outlook on white people. He's mentioned it. His baby momma (SIL) doesn't help in all this either. When your mom tells you you'll be oppressed because you're black living in suburbia, it's hard to undo the damage.

People are fucked up. I swear logic is non-existent at this point. Or SIL is retarded. Not sure the difference at this point.


If you had that strong of an impression then your mind probably didn't make it up, but not worth a fight. If you get the feeling that it bothers him, I'd just leave rather sooner than later. Never fight unless it's self-defense, cause you can't educate and raise him from the hospital, graveyard or jail. I'm telling this myself every-time I can feel road rage coming on, and as I get older it works better and better (probably due to less energy lol).
21   HeadSet   2021 Jul 6, 7:45pm  

According to FBI crime statistics, incidents of White men raping Black woman has been virtually zero for decades. So they show an old Italian made movie depicting rape that supposedly occurred 150-200 years ago.

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