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Dan8267
2016 Aug 22, 6:57pm
It is worth noting that the injustices of the family court system are the primary reason that men largely refuse to marry in our society today.
Isn't this story more of a reason not to have kids than to not marry?
The injustices of the family court system goes far beyond indenture servitude and applies to childless husbands as well. Two generations of men have seen men being abused severely by the family court system and have adjusted their world views accordingly.
indigenous
2016 Aug 22, 7:22pm
Marcus does have a point.
It is ALWAYS the 3rd party, it is not who you think it is.
zzyzzx
2016 Aug 22, 7:24pm
The injustices of the family court system goes far beyond indenture servitude and applies to childless husbands as well. Two generations of men have seen men being abused severely by the family court system and have adjusted their world views accordingly.
I wasn't saying that isn't an issue, but these days isn't child support usually way more onerous than alimony?
Strategist
2016 Aug 22, 7:33pm
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her?
She is jealous. I'm sure you are prettier.
turtledove
2016 Aug 22, 7:50pm
Maybe the husband is a factor (a prick). He has enjoyed that income stream too. When it slowed down, maybe he hounded her with, "what's up ?" "Why do you trust them ?" "Why do you believe they will pay in September ?" Or maybe it is all her, and she really is THAT dysfunctional or for some sick psychological reason not able to resist a little more drama as you said, before it's over. Or maybe she's a stupid asshole of an attorney and she thinks she's using her tools. Who cares what the reason is ?
Her current husband has actually always been a temporizing influence. Or else he's a genius at putting on a show for the kids. They've told us stories of their mom going off about something regarding my husband and the new husband talking her down. Lots of things got better after they were married. The email abuse stopped... She didn't have an attorney write a letter for any little thing she could think of (we got a letter because we let their son see Spiderman... I think it was PG-13 and he was 12, maybe; another letter because I let their son swim in a pool when he had a little cut on his foot --- not a special cut, a regular, normal, little cut that was so insignificant that he didn't even mention it to me; another letter because I asked her son to walk the dog and had him bring a "pick up bag" with him -- how dare I make her son pick up poop). That kind of stuff all stopped after she remarried. She wasn't ever pleasant to us, but the unprovoked harassment stopped.
In the early days, I would be super nice... Figuring that she'd eventually grow out of it... and I didn't want to say or do anything that I'd have to apologize for later. She said something like, "don't even bother being nice. you and I will NEVER be friends." And she was true to her words.
I never understood her anger at everyone. She was the one who wanted the divorce. She was the one who kicked him out. He had been living in the basement the last year that they lived together. They had been fully separated for several months before he and I met. She really just didn't want him to be happy. The very idea that he would move on really bothered her, I think. In retrospect, I suppose we could have waited to start dating until the divorce was final... But it's not like she wanted him back. She, too, was seeing someone during their separation. The guy she's married to, now, in fact. So, I really don't know. But she hates me and makes no bones about it.
A few years ago, her son asked me what happened when his parents got divorced. Not being born yesterday, I replied, "What did your mother tell you happened." He said, "I want to hear your version." So, I told him the same story I just told you. He said that's exactly what she said. So, it's not like my version of events is even different than hers. I don't get it. I never did and I never will.
Sadly, it her. All her.
zzyzzx
2016 Aug 22, 7:58pm
She is jealous. I'm sure you are prettier.
Obligatory:
/?p=1291942&c=1309072#comment-1309072
turtledove
2016 Aug 22, 8:00pm
Nope, there is somebody else at work here.
The only other person could be her little lawyer friend who wrote the demand letter. Maybe she's encouraging her... And they are trying to impress each other with their badass lawyer skills. But based on the past, my husband's ex didn't require any encouragement to spew evil. Our mere presence at one of the kids' activities was all it took.
One thing that's weird is she was very secretive about her finances to her current husband. She didn't want him to know her debt situation and she didn't want him to know the details of the support agreement. This was back when they were first married (2006). We only know this because when we went back for the reduction based on the new law (2008), she freaked out when we put him on the deposition list... As if she hadn't put me on the deposition list a hundred times... She really didn't want him involved. Like she was hiding things from him. Maybe she's just desperate for the money because her husband is about to find out how badly she screwed up. $100k in credit card debt would be hard for anyone to pay off.
Strategist
2016 Aug 22, 8:01pm
She is jealous. I'm sure you are prettier.
Obligatory:
/?p=1291942&c=1309072#comment-1309072
Hey, maybe she saw Turtle's boobs and went into a jealous rage.
indigenous
2016 Aug 22, 8:09pm
The only other person
I don't know who, only that there is a who.
The other thing that makes these situation particularly fun is when they are withholding something. This is when a person over reacts to an statement or allegation.
I'm sure you are right about her having withholds.
But the thing that really puts the stank on the situation is the 3rd party. Keep in mind that this is the very mechanism that cause war.
turtledove
2016 Aug 22, 8:12pm
Hey, maybe she saw Turtle's boobs and went into a jealous rage.
OMG, I totally forgot about this. This woman is such a freak. When she first met me, it was at their son's basketball game. I had to leave early for something. So, I'm walking out to my car and she comes running up behind me and introduces herself. I was wearing a sleeveless, stretchy fuschia turtleneck, jeans, and a hoodie jacket that was unzipped. I swear on my kids this is a true story. She pulls open one side of the hoodie and says, "Of course, you have bigger breasts." I had completely forgotten about that until I read your post. How weird was that? First off, she's super flat chested, so pretty much most of society has larger breasts than she does. You'd think she'd have accepted that by then. But what a completely strange thing to say... And even if you were thinking it, why would you want to admit that to your ex-husband's new girlfriend?
zzyzzx
2016 Aug 22, 8:17pm
First off, she's super flat chested, so pretty much most of society has larger breasts than she does. You'd think she'd have accepted that by then. But what a completely strange thing to say... And even if you were thinking it, why would you want to admit that to your ex-husband's new girlfriend?
We need to somehow get your topless picture to her, just to piss her off.
That sucks. Men have been getting fucked over in most Western nations for many years now. Voting left has consequences. Without women and (il)legal immigrants today's deranged left would not win a single election. It's the difference between the emotional and logical brain (of course as always with exceptions proving the rule):
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0097071
neplusultra57
2016 Aug 22, 10:49pm
TD- When she gets you down remember how many years you have acted with conscience and conviction in the face unfairness and injustice, and be proud of yourself. Also remember that despite her advantage she is in despair while you have met the injustice and transcended her. Her pettiness has delayed your inner schedule, that's all. If you persevered back when there was so much more crap ahead of you than behind you, then now, this latest slip of the blade.......well, you're already beyond it even if it doesn't feel that way. She so identifies with the battle that its approaching end terrifies her. You've won.
At just the right time send her a "Get Well" card or some token of spurious pity. She'll get the message, and it will haunt her. Then leave her on the trail and get on with it.
Ceffer
2016 Aug 22, 11:00pm
I think a TD/ex-wife naked mud wrestling bout would resolve this case, to be broadcast on Patnet if Trump is elected.
Hey, I can always dream!
indigenous
2016 Aug 23, 12:35am
@NPU
This is not a contest.
For the 3rd time there is always a 3rd party.
The sun may or may not come up tommorow. ..
A life lesson that serves well to anyone who is aware of it.
bdrasin
2016 Aug 23, 5:07am
She is jealous. I'm sure you are prettier.
Obligatory:
/?p=1291942&c=1309072#comment-1309072Hey, maybe she saw Turtle's boobs and went into a jealous rage.
I know I did
FNWGMOBDVZXDNW
2016 Aug 23, 8:19am
For the 3rd time there is always a 3rd party.
Are you trying to say that the ex is schtooping the pool boy and needs the money to provide for his allowance?
indigenous
2016 Aug 23, 8:39am
Are you trying to say that the ex is schtooping the pool boy and needs the money to provide for his allowance?
Maybe but that has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.
Think of it this way, everyone goes on endlessly about the middle east with an endless list of instigators. The main stream NEVER talks about Saudi Arabia, yet they cause 99% of the trouble.
indigenous
2016 Aug 23, 9:09am
Uh huh. The FED you mean?
Not universally, they sure as fuck finance war though.
The rule though is a 3rd party, in the middle east it sure as fuck is Saudi Arabia. In the case of divorce it is usually the mother exacerbated by the lawyers, or the neighbor or the "good friend" or the shrink or or or
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 7:48pm
TD- When she gets you down remember how many years you have acted with conscience and conviction in the face unfairness and injustice, and be proud of yourself. Also remember that despite her advantage she is in despair while you have met the injustice and transcended her. Her pettiness has delayed your inner schedule, that's all. If you persevered back when there was so much more crap ahead of you than behind you, then now, this latest slip of the blade.......well, you're already beyond it even if it doesn't feel that way. She so identifies with the battle that its approaching end terrifies her. You've won.
She is a miserable person. She always has been. I know this. She's very insecure. I say I don't know why she was so nasty, but I kind of do. We're all just being honest here right? I don't mean this in any way other than exactly as the words appear on your screen. Not braggy or spiteful... Just as factual as my subjective interpretation of events can allow.
1) My husband had the audacity to move on. Whether that was reasonable or not, I think it really just bugged her. He was supposed to be miserable to serve some kind of penance for not making her happy during their marriage. In fact, she actually used the word "penance" when describing to their oldest son why she was so mean to his father. So the woman had anger issues that ran pretty deep. I thought that those anger issues would lessen with time like it tends to with most people... But with each year that went by, I'd find that they were still going strong.
2) It started off the minute she first saw me. Yes, I'm regarded by most people as attractive. I've always been the pretty, fun, smart, girl that most people were drawn to (girls and boys). She, on the other hand, is average, at best. Her insecurity is written all over her face. She doesn't look like she ever has fun. My smiles come pretty easily. And how can we forget the breasts comment, however completely insane that may have been?.... But it goes to show that she was measuring herself up against me instantly. Throughout the years, as I've seen a few pictures of her with the kids (vacation, graduation, that kind of stuff), she never looks happy. Her smiles look forced. When the kids would bring back pictures of their time with us, these would be very different. Like I said, I'm kind of fun. I love to laugh, laugh lines be damned, my smiles cover my whole face. You put all this together, and I think all this played a big role in why my very existence seemed to piss her off so much.
3) I am younger than she is. She was actually older than my husband by two years. So that made her eight years older than I. Even though I can't imagine eight years being that big of a deal... when you have a person who is already an insecure mess, I guess I can see how that might deepen the insecurity.
4) Their two kids, really liked me right away. (See point #1). I'm fun. I like to have fun. I like to laugh and do fun things. I'm pretty easy going about stuff. I'll pick up out of nowhere and go do something cool. Before I had my own kids, my knowledge of every movie ever made was almost encyclopedic... I was an ex-gymnast, and I could still do a bunch of things... so the little girl and I would actually play. I taught her how to do cartwheels, front and back walkovers.... we'd make up routines... I taught her real cheers from my cheerleading days. I was fun. Her kids loved me right away. This was an unforgivable move on my part.
5) She was pretty sure that my husband and I wouldn't last five years. I got a nasty email from her sister (how weird is that? I would never write a nasty email to my brother's ex on his behalf, but whatever, we've already established that they do weird things). The purpose of the email was to inform me of what a horrible husband my husband was to her sister. How he made her feel bad all the time.... The thing that struck me was when she said that she didn't give our marriage five years. Well, we've been married now almost 15 years. They have been divorced much longer than they were ever married and she never wanted to believe that any of what went wrong was her fault. But the fact that we've now been married for so long means that maybe their divorce wasn't really ALL my husband's fault. I think that bothers her, too.
So, yes... She is an unhappy person. As I put up with her garbage over the years, I was always able to focus on the end. I know that the best revenge is living well. But the end of the official arrangement was important to me, too. The risk that the official arrangement might be extended because she's a miserable human being who wants everyone to feel as bad as she does won't turn out the way she thinks. Okay, I'm upset now... but I don't tend to stay upset for long. It's not in my nature. In the end, it will be for nothing. But it would have been nice for me to have it be officially over.
As for the card... As part of the demand letter, we are not to contact her... This is where she pretends that we like to harass her. More fun irony! But the card would be a violation of that... So no can do.
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 7:53pm
think a TD/ex-wife naked mud wrestling bout would resolve this case, to be broadcast on Patnet if Trump is elected.
She didn't age well. She's gained a lot of weight over the last several years. Not fat-fat, but definitely a "lose 30 type." And she's losing her hair of all things... So... First, she'd crush me. Second, you'd have to rip your eyes out afterward.
That's a lot of words. How about a nice ass pic, to lighten the mood?
Shaman
2016 Aug 23, 8:13pm
Sorry for your troubles TD, I hope things turn around soon! I have a feeling that they will.
My *unsolicited* advice: get engrossed in a project that will keep you in a "moving forward" direction whilst taking your mind off impossible people like his ex.
MisdemeanorRebel
2016 Aug 23, 8:18pm
As for the card... As part of the demand letter, we are not to contact her... This is where she pretends that we like to harass her. More fun irony! But the card would be a violation of that... So no can do.
Ah, hamstering. Or as the great Costanza said:
"It's not a lie - if you believe it!"
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 8:19pm
Sorry for your troubles TD, I hope things turn around soon! I have a feeling that they will.
My *unsolicited* advice: get engrossed in a project that will keep you in a "moving forward" direction whilst taking your mind off impossible people like his ex.
I put everything into a package to our Atlanta attorney today. I never thought I'd have to engage him again, but here we are. Anyway, I'm just going to let him handle this. He's the one who had the ex screaming as she ran out of the courtroom... So, I have no doubt, he'll get this all back on track. I just need to let him do his job. Doubtless, I will pay dearly for that service. But he's a great attorney... Just didn't think we'd be THERE again.
I will pay dearly
-----------
Picking up hubbys tab for the lawyer, right on, TD!
MisdemeanorRebel
2016 Aug 23, 8:30pm
Okay, so about three weeks ago, my husband sends her a note to let her know that she will have the full payment of the $33k by September 15th. We were excited to finally be done with her... We thought she'd be happy to get the money. Seemed to me... everyone should be happy.
On Friday, we get a letter from an attorney. The letter demands payment by September 15th (plus attorney's fees) or they were going to pursue action with child support enforcement and file contempt of court charges. First, didn't we already agree to pay by September 15th (unprompted, I might add)? So, the point of the demand letter was a little confusing. And since when does an attorney have the authority to award herself attorney's fees? Then we receive a notice from CA child support enforcement that an account has been opened!!! So, they lied in the demand letter. They weren't waiting until September 15th. They already opened the case with the state.
It's the power to make y'alls life miserable she wants. No longer having that to hold over your head, she goes and starts new drama.
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 8:49pm
Picking up hubbys tab for the lawyer, right on, TD!
We have a business together, so it's our money... But I've always been the one to deal with the lawyer. The lawyer my husband had before he and I were married was a saddest piece of shit I had ever come across. I swear... he was working for the other side. That's how my husband's first order required him to pay $6k/month in c/s and $3k/month in alimony based on a salary that didn't even begin to support that. His take home pay was like $12k/month at the time! My husband was left with just a couple of thousand a month to survive. It was absurd. As politely as possible, I informed my husband that I was now in charge of hiring lawyers.
But we do, in fact, share all expenses. I shield him from the emotional crap as much as I can... I do require a couple of days to get out of my stupor, but after that, I'm bullet proof and he can forget about her and concentrate on his job... which is being a good doctor. I cannot have him fucking up because he's distracted by her crap, or anyone else's for that matter. I wish I could skip the stupor part... But I guess I need that. Meltdown then solitude then sleep then I'm good. I'm in the final stage. I slept from 10:00 last night until 6:30 this evening. It's not really sleep... I think it's my body's way of forcing a sort of meditation. I don't question it. I tend to have amazing ideas afterward... So I try to allow the process run its course.
Back to work tomorrow.
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 8:55pm
But if this situation creates a cash flow issue in the next week, I even have a plan for that. I'll just sell my engagement ring. What's the point of stuff? It's just a ring. I can get another when things settle down. So, if the lawyer needs a retainer I cannot handle right now (cuz I'm not pulling my son out of his dream military school, that's not an option) I'll just sell the ring. It's a 2 carat, round f, vs2. I should be able to get several thousand for it.
Smoke a quarter oz of gorilla glue, and call me in the morning. All will be right with the world
sin solución de ningún problema!
You get soaked like a mofo selling something like that. I know a friendly pawnbroker though ;)
turtledove
2016 Aug 23, 9:12pm
You get soaked like a mofo selling something like that. I know a friendly pawnbroker though ;)
I know, I'm still thinking... It will depend on what the attorney comes back with. But I'm a firm believer in if you want to win, you have to be prepared to do anything. I like to win. I won't give her an advantage because she caught me off guard and I won't have the money to fight back until the second week of September... and she started the clock running before that. You gotta do what you gotta do. A ring is just a ring. It wouldn't be the first wedding stuff I sold. I sold a bunch of stuff when we started our practice and needed capital for equipment. I sold some really pretty stuff that was supposed to be my daughter's... But at the end of the day, the business was the immediate issue. So getting caught up in stupid sentiment serves no purpose but to weaken you.
Alternatively, we also have a settlement coming in on a wage dispute. A prior employer thought it would be funny to short my husband his final month of pay (2013) because my husband had the audacity to quit. He was used to my nice, sweet husband. Didn't realize he'd be dealing with me. $25K turned into $129K. It's due Sept. 7th on the filed agreement. The deal is signed and filed as of July 30th, so this is happening or he's in contempt. So, I'm hoping the divorce attorney will extend me some credit based on that.
We'll just have to wait and see. Have you noticed how many people in this world are shit?
Y
2016 Aug 23, 9:28pm
Not to worry. The good news is I've ordered iwop to liquidate his two trailers which he bloviates into some kind of Trumpian Empire, and send you the proceeds as a long term loan @ 1.2%.
The bad news is his two trailers will only fetch around 11k....................total.
But if this situation creates a cash flow issue in the next week, I even have a plan for that
I'm regarded by most people as attractive. I've always been the pretty, fun, smart, girl
and modest
FNWGMOBDVZXDNW
2016 Aug 24, 9:32am
He was used to my nice, sweet husband. Didn't realize he'd be dealing with me. $25K turned into $129K. It's due Sept. 7th on the filed agreement. The deal is signed and filed as of July 30th, so this is happening or he's in contempt. So, I'm hoping the divorce attorney will extend me some credit based on that.
Jesus. I hope your husband doesn't ever leave you. You'll make his last ex look like a chump ;-).
turtledove
2016 Aug 24, 9:32am
and modest
I said I was just putting it all out on the table, here. I'm trying to look at things honestly. I don't normally go around talking like that about myself. But it is necessary to paint the picture. It seemed simpler than going into stories about a guy in high school shaving his head to get my attention or describing how I was named best dressed of a senior class I wasn't even a member of, as I was only a junior, among other things. I could have just listed facts and let you decide the qualities I likely possessed, but I just tried to be concise and described it for what it was, as it's relevant as to why his ex might feel threatened. Leaving out information to demonstrate that I can be modest, too, seems like a waste of time.
Turtle, I see now why you can't take your husband's ex off your back. You are too much fun to pick on.
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This is such a corrupt system designed to screw over men, it boggles my mind that so many sat back and just let it happen.
We were a little over one year away from freedom when my husband lost his job. His last child graduated school in May 2016... So, we were in sight of the finish line. For fourteen years (sixteen if you include the separation period), he has paid on time without any problems. At one point, she was getting $72k per year in child support... That dropped down to $36k/year when the law changed... But we've never missed a payment.
As you might remember, we decided to start our own practice last year after my husband lost his job. We had just bought a house, so we weren't really in a position to easily move somewhere new... And even if we did do that, it's not like you can turn around a new, high paying job instantly. Starting our own thing seemed like the best option for us at the time. Based on how it's going, it's not something I regret doing.
However, paying the child support that was based on a much greater salary than we currently had presented a problem. Since his ex-wife is a lawyer, her go-to move would make any challenge very expensive for us. It made no sense to pay $30-40k (that we didn't have at the time) to try to get a reduction that we might get two years later... and only if the judge ordered it to be retroactive. At the end of the day, it would cost more to go after the modification than it would be to just pay the current amount.
So, we were very up front about things... told her we were going to fall behind. She shocked both of us by being surprisingly understanding. So, we only paid about $9k for the final year and a couple of months... We still owe $33,000. For the entire time, we never heard anything from her... other than the occasional question, "how are things going?" This came as a great shock, as she has a long history of irrational, cruel behavior. But I figured that maybe she finally decided to move on with her life and decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth.
Okay, so about three weeks ago, my husband sends her a note to let her know that she will have the full payment of the $33k by September 15th. We were excited to finally be done with her... We thought she'd be happy to get the money. Seemed to me... everyone should be happy.
On Friday, we get a letter from an attorney. The letter demands payment by September 15th (plus attorney's fees) or they were going to pursue action with child support enforcement and file contempt of court charges. First, didn't we already agree to pay by September 15th (unprompted, I might add)? So, the point of the demand letter was a little confusing. And since when does an attorney have the authority to award herself attorney's fees? Then we receive a notice from CA child support enforcement that an account has been opened!!! So, they lied in the demand letter. They weren't waiting until September 15th. They already opened the case with the state.
Now this is about the stupidest thing she could have done. First, the matter now belongs to the state. We can no longer pay her personally or it won't count. The state won't acknowledge it. We now have to go through the state. It won't be difficult for us to prove that our finances have changed, so I have no doubt they'll let us pay much more slowly, at much smaller amounts, over a much longer period of time... The agencies get federal matching funds on what they can collect from month to month, so they don't like it when people pay off all at once. They are incentivized to encourage monthly payments.
Someone please explain this to me? What the fuck is wrong with this woman? We already said we'd pay the entire remaining amount on September 15th. We have zero history of not doing what we say we're going to do. We were always very up front and communicative about things. She received payments as we were able to pay them. We gave her a specific date of full payment... Why is she doing this? Help me understand.
I'm in kind of a bad place right now. I've been very supportive of my husband over the last 15 years with regards to her insanity. Part of what helped was knowing there was an end. Eventually, the kids would age out and then I'd never have to hear her name again. They've been divorced longer than they were even married. Why does she still have an axe to grind? What more could she want other than the money? Did she just not want to miss her last opportunity to exert her power?
So, in three weeks she would have had all the money. Now I guess we'll make arrangements through the state according to their guidelines. I drafted a response letter basically saying that the matter is now in the hands of the state, so they will not receive a lump sum payment until they provide us proof that the accounts have been closed both in Georgia and California. Basically, you can't have it both ways.
I'm just in shock. Disappointed with how this whole system functions. If that's not a punitive use of the system, I don't know what is. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with her?
#childsupport