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Breeding the perfect CNBC reporter


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2006 Sep 14, 3:57am   29,262 views  131 comments

by astrid   ➕follow (0)   💰tip   ignore  

Maria!

The last post is getting a bit unwieldy. Let's continue the utopia and eugenics discussions here.

If you need a starter, here it is - pick four couples for breeding the perfect CNBC reporter.

The link below will take you to CNBC's page for their on air personalities (thank you to skibum):

http://moneycentral.msn.com/Content/CNBCTV/AnchorsAndReporters/Index.asp

Disclaimer: This post is a parody about the CNBC and its on air personalities. The information contained in the post is offered in the spirit of speculative fun and is not intended as libel or slander on CNBC or its on air personalities.

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75   Paul189   2006 Sep 14, 12:15pm  

Muggy,

For your benefit:

http://zapatopi.net/afdb/

Enjoy!

76   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 12:20pm  

Paul,

Wow! I didn't even think about the shorting angle. I'm clearly not paranoid enough.

Or maybe the government mind controlling beams have weakened my resolve...time to get out my foil lined bonnet.

77   skibum   2006 Sep 14, 1:09pm  

FAB,
On a roll with those links. Is that old couple shot from some fund prospectus, or what?

78   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 4:59pm  

Speaking of unholy spawns, anyone seen the Carville-Matalin family lately?

ajh,

I've read about the shooting, though I didn't think about the global oil implications. Obviously, I'm not paranoid enough.

79   Different Sean   2006 Sep 14, 6:18pm  

Now if you’re really paranoid about the political machinations of big oil

the russian banks are more about assisting the kleptocracy and russian mafia... isn't putin trying to re-nationalise the oil fields and other public assets? (by dispossessing oligarchs and chucking them in jail - way to go!)

80   Different Sean   2006 Sep 14, 6:29pm  

jay leno and... and...

CNBC reporters are best found in the wild, like truffles - they can't be synthesised...

apocryphally:
"WE could produce remarkable children," a beautiful actress once cooed to the cerebral Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw. "Ah yes," he replied, "but what if they had my looks and your brains?"

81   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 10:48pm  

DS,

Maybe...but on the other hand, check Kiefer Sutherland, Elettra Wiedemann and Chiara Mastroianni. No ugly genes there.

Celebrity eugenics would be an interesting topic. Unlike royalty breeding or dog breeding, modern celebrities do enter and exit the breeding elite with more frequency, and thus seemingly avoid the downsides. Would this class leads to an eventual gene pool of supercelebrity genes that will be harder and harder for the non-celebrity born to break through to? (ref Mrs. Astor's 400, etc.)

82   astrid   2006 Sep 14, 10:51pm  

newsfreak,

Yes, now that you mentioned it, she has large and relatively expressive (dog like) eyes. I also like how the prominent folds in her eyes (probably eyebags, without plastic surgery and a carefully watched diet, the woman will start to look like Madeline Albright pretty soon) make her look slightly tired and somehow more real and more approachable.

If Maria B was a dog, what kind of dog would she be?

83   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 12:03am  

The only thing that really bothers me about the reporters that cover the markets is that most (if not all to my knowledge) have never actually ran a trade! No, trading your own "ETrade account" doesn't count! Doesn't that concern anyone else?

84   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 1:48am  

SOFTESTLANDING Says:

Maria B would be a “BULL” dog! get it bulls and bears….
sheesh as Eddie Murphy would say

“Wat do you know from Funny!”

Your post would work if it were actually funny.

85   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 1:50am  

Ha Ha,
Ford's cuts (45K) total are impressing everyone. To put it in perspective, between HP (15K) and Intel (10K+), that's more than half of Ford's total. And certainly the latter 2 will afffect BA jobs a lot more than Ford's cuts. Interestingly, I've yet to see any reports of the breakdown of how many of these jobs are in the BA vs. HP and Intel's other locales.

86   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 1:52am  

RayW Says:

Your reference to Ann Colter’s hands is interesting because the same can be said for woman with big hands and feet that can be said about men.

Big hands…big……

Or maybe she’s just an ugly man who got his plumbing changed.

Or maybe she's just like that woman from Seinfeld with the manhands.

87   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 2:09am  

Anyone remember when Dr. J (Julius Irving of Phila. 76r's fame) tried to deny this now adult woman was "his"? For crissakes the poor girl looked like Dr. J in drag! She was athletic as hell, broad shouldered and that nose.... the nose just gave it away. Pay up Dr. J!

88   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 2:22am  

skibum,

Oregon is sweating bullets over the HP/Intel cuts. I'm by no means a tech analyst but common sense would dictate that a number of their vendors and suppliers would feel the pain here locally as well.

Consolidated Freightways closed over the Labor Day weekend (2002?) as a result of reduced LTL (less than truckload) shipments from INTC. We're just not in a position to take any cuts. What I've found with tech employees in our area is once they've had a taste of decent wages and benefits they'll go on food stamps before they take a job "beneath their dignity". It would be ugly here.

89   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 2:25am  

DinOR Says:

Anyone remember when Dr. J (Julius Irving of Phila. 76r’s fame) tried to deny this now adult woman was “his”? For crissakes the poor girl looked like Dr. J in drag! She was athletic as hell, broad shouldered and that nose…. the nose just gave it away. Pay up Dr. J!

I'll bet she's got a sweet finger roll!

90   HeadSet   2006 Sep 15, 2:32am  

DinOr,

Speaking of ugly, That realtor I mentioned earlier called me yesterday. That new house (well over 3,000 sft, 2 acre lot in a waterfront subdivision of large lots) that was originally $650,000, the builder now will sell for $489,000 or less.

I still get the idea that this may be a "falling knife"....

91   FormerAptBroker   2006 Sep 15, 2:47am  

DinOR Says:

> The only thing that really bothers me about the
> reporters that cover the markets is that most
> (if not all to my knowledge) have never actually
> ran a trade!

"Those that can, do; those that can't, teach,"

"Those that can't do or teach but look good report"

92   FormerAptBroker   2006 Sep 15, 2:49am  

DinOR Says:

> The only thing that really bothers me about the
> reporters that cover the markets is that most
> (if not all to my knowledge) have never actually
> ran a trade!

"Those that can, do; those that can't, teach,"

"Those that can't do or teach; (but look good) report"

93   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 2:55am  

Headset,

That's CHEAP! I'd jump all over that! Why in no time ar all you'll be selling it at.......

Uh, that's about a 24.8% decrease. A "dull" knife, but falling nonetheless. I'm not intimate with your area but HARM is keen to remind us that in many ways this is actually a "land bubble"? Lots alone in "high end" OR subdivisions can run 100/200K? I know Randy H is fond of his charts (and I at least look at the charts) but at the end of the day I guess a 2 X 4 costs what a 2 X 4 costs so I'd want to see what the "structure" costs were (inclusive of labor) allow for a respectable profit for the builder and guesstimate what the lot would have sold for circa 2000/1 and use that for a baseline?

94   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 2:57am  

FAB,

LOL!

I suppose I should have expected as much! It's just that they talk so casually about high profile CEO's getting the axe (when you know they couldn't run a hot dog stand) and volume like it was just so many bushels of......corn?

95   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 3:14am  

LILLL,

Like Doug H says, when a seller pulls off a major profit; he's brilliant!

(When a buyer gets a lowball offer accepted; he's a scumbag!)

96   Sylvie   2006 Sep 15, 4:14am  

Astrid:

This all so staged it is scary as hell the degree of power and manipulation this administartion has on the markets. I can make on feel that no matter how prudent we make decisions they can be overridden with just a few phone calls. It just proves that "we the people" are powerless. The timing is just too perfect.

Everyone who has followed this blog knows where the economy was heading especially in regards to the HB. Now it seems to have reversed course? Oil, gas, natural gas, gold, silver, copper all down. Bush's rating climbing again? FTF?

97   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 4:15am  

SFWoman,

Martin Pring covers this topic extensively in "Investment Psychology Explained". He must be having a field day with this! I believe his book pre-dates both the tech and housing bubbles. He doesn't spend a great deal of time placing valuations on commodities but rather the focus is on the mania that ensues! It's a little dry but he does have his moments.

I won't say "it's made my career" but he is a healthy dose of some much needed sobriety from time to time!

98   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 4:25am  

Sylvie,

I just overheard that commodities had their worst 3 week run since the 1980's!

Do I feel like a "victim" of the PPT (Plunge Protection Team)? Well, we all had this sinking feeling that whoever's in power likes to do a little "window dressing" before elections so, no surprise there! The Admin. has got to be "wetting 'em" though over the rapid descent in housing prices and sales! I'm sure that behind closed doors the Pres. is chewing major butt b/c he was probably told none of this would even begin to surface until he was out of office (if it happens at all!) The REIC is a HUGE lobby and judging from the lack of candor we got from Dave Seiders and Tom "the tool" Stevens at NAR I'm not looking for any death bed confessions soon.

That's about as "political" as I get.

99   Glen   2006 Sep 15, 4:49am  

Name one thing that makes the city of Detroit worth even a cursory glance?

Well, if some of Al Gore's apocalyptic prognostications come true, Detroit might not be a bad place to be--cold winters will be milder and then there is the proximity to one of the world's largest sources of fresh water. Also, the Tigers are having a good year.

100   astrid   2006 Sep 15, 4:56am  

M. Cote,

The big three are suffering more than poor leadership and poorly designed car (though most of their offering are unattractive in my eyes). They're saddled with a huge pension scheme, a dreadful distribution network, and working out of the most labor friendly states in the union. Henry Ford had a clean slate, some solid technical innovations, no foreign competitors and a work force who died quickly after retirement. While I'm no fan of the big three, a large portion of the blame should rest with the short sighted (and extremely conservative AKA hidebound) unions and state legislatures.

101   astrid   2006 Sep 15, 5:06am  

"Also, the Tigers are having a good year."

Damn! I hate when Detroit sports teams have good years.

Detroit is a mess. The capable residents have left and there are ex-Detroiters everywhere.

102   Sylvie   2006 Sep 15, 5:08am  

Makes ya wonder if voting in November will do anything or make any difference?

It's F'd up. What kind of lesson will this become if the higher up's in washington save the FB's collective asses?

103   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 5:08am  

Robert C,

Wow! You're really serious about this thing! Good for you, I just noticed that for the week ending Sept. 8th Oil & Gas plus Coal and Consumable fuels were all down over 10% for the week. (That's a tough week in anyone's book).

Of course here in Portland a number of people (and firms) trade lumber. If you get a chance check out "Random Lengths". It's a sixty year old trade pub. that covers dimensional lumber. I'm NOT a lumber trader so I'll take "dimensional" to mean 2 X 4's? A lot of these guys swear buy it.

104   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 5:10am  

Even the "Surreal Estate" column in SFGate is acknowledging the slowdonw in SF:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/g/archive/2006/09/15/carollloyd.DTL

What exactly constitutes a "spot"? Every agent I spoke to gave me lists of fatal flaws, and many of these lists overlapped. Unfortunately, most of the flaws are out of a seller's control: bad location (across the street from a housing project, bus stop or other "undesirable" vista), no parking, massive foundation problems, no outdoor space.

Funny how horrible location, foundation issues, etc count as "spots."

105   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 5:11am  

astrid,

What's with you and the Motor City? Yeah, I hate the Tigers (then again I'm a White Sox fan) but what IS it with you girl?

106   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 5:15am  

RC,

www.randomlengths.com for the "skinny" on making toothpicks out of logs!

107   astrid   2006 Sep 15, 5:30am  

DinOR,

My boyfriend is an ex-Detroiter and a fanatical fantasy baseball (and fantasy football and fantasy basketball and sometimes even fantasy hockey) player. I know the Tigers' performance doesn't really change his fanatical devotion to fantasy baseball, but watching him watch baseball is also not fun for me.

108   DinOR   2006 Sep 15, 5:54am  

RC,

Yeah, the Rock Bottom Brewery and Moose Mulligans would fill up with lumber traders shortly after we got off on Friday and I would listen to these guys and take mental notes where I could but they track (and worship) totally different indices than we would. The Philadelphia Paper Index?

Uh, so it's my turn to "rack" and your turn to buy?

109   Doug H   2006 Sep 15, 6:21am  

Robert Cote,

As long as you play the Commodities with money you can afford to lose; it's a rush! I played it back in the '80's, lost my ass, never went back. It was one of my more brilliant investment moves.......

I had an extra $10K and decided to play the Sugar/Cattle Futures instead of buying some crummy stock called Microsoft. Went in with 10.....out with 3.....and the rest, as they say, is history.

110   Peter P   2006 Sep 15, 6:25am  

I had an extra $10K and decided to play the Sugar/Cattle Futures instead of buying some crummy stock called Microsoft. Went in with 10…..out with 3…..and the rest, as they say, is history.

You lost only 7K in futures? And you were discouraged?

111   astrid   2006 Sep 15, 6:36am  

Seed corn is the same as regular corn, unless the seed corn producer dusted it with pesticide or fungicide or Gibberellic acid.

112   HARM   2006 Sep 15, 6:38am  

What happened to Maria Bartiromo?

113   astrid   2006 Sep 15, 6:40am  

I decided to play it safe. Plus, skibum gave a good link to all the CNBC anchors so there's no reason to restrict ourselves to Maria B.

114   skibum   2006 Sep 15, 6:40am  

Robert Cote Says:

Seriously, Detroit/Hartford/Buffalo/OPAC du jour who cares? The reality is that dense urban conurbanations are old news, obsolete. Obsolete is not dysfunctional nor useless nor worthless. Just bypassed by modern trends. Anyone here ever pay to visit Jamestown or Williamsburg or Sturbridge Village? Good, I see a few hands raised so I shall continue. Are they “obsolete?” Sure. They make money BEING obsolete. Any disagreement? Good. Moving on to team or regional loyalty. Any reason to use this? Yes, the Dallas Cowboys are still “America’s Team” a generation after their legitimate zenith. Now “DETROIT.”

Good points. The trajectories of these cities and in general population across the US is a fascinating subject. Industrialists started/expanded factories (Carnegie, Ford, etc etc) in these cities and provided jobs, and as those industries faded or continue to fade today, the "infrastructure" that remains is neglected and decays. Now that the US is supposedly a "service" economy, the new job centers are in the South and the West. Now, why did THAT happen? It can't just be that a bunch of engineers gathered and formed a critical mass in Silly Valley, and everyone moved to where the jobs are. I doubt it's just the weather. Americans knew about California and the South long before these places supplanted the Northeast and Midwest as growth areas. Maybe it's as simple as a confluence of these factors I mentioned, but maybe there's more. It's also relevant to this board, as the question it raises is, if costs are so cheap in places like Detroit, why doesn't a company like Intel just basically up and move there? Otherwise, companies here have higher costs (salaries, office rent, etc). The BA bulls would of course say, it's because this place is so "special."

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