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An Antidote to Corporate Media
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Finally, the long-awaited follow up to "Jurassic Popsicle"! Or more accurately, a JP analog.
Here's a happy ending to this story:
Naturally, the home’roid inhabitants --or "Roiders" as they like to call themselves-- grew to resent their grim predicament. Quarters on the roids were cramped and dirty, living conditions were primitive and their futures bleak. Despite the amazing technological advances back on Earth, the Roiders suffered from privations of every kind --especially in food, water, textiles and medicines. Just about everything except rock was perpetually in short supply.
One of the few luxuries they afford –cheaply manufactured holoscreens-- beamed images of unimaginable luxury and hedonistic excess into their dismal Roid habitats. They watched Earth's mega-rich Cryo-Boomers throwing lavish parties for themselves, going on incredible shopping sprees, drug-fueled orgies, and casually wasting resources that would go a very long way on the home’roids. Shows like Screw you, I got Mine! and Let's waste food, water and energy because… we CAN! and Who wants to be the Biggest Spoiled f@$%ing Brat? gave the Roiders a bird’s eye view of life on Earth.
The Roiders grew increasingly frustrated and angry, as they watched the lifestyles of the corrupt Cryo-Boomers on their holoscreens with bitter envy. The Cryo-Boomers were oblivious to all this, of course, as they wallowed in gluttonous excess, enraptured in a never-ending orgy of narcissistic bliss. They viewed the Roiders not with empathy or pity, but with utter contempt. The Boomers viewed themselves as God’s Chosen Ones, destined –and deserving—to rule the Earth and consume its seemingly unlimited resources. They had deluded themselves into thinking they were not fortunate merely by accident of birth, but honestly and truly superior to the Roiders. They adopted the same arrogant, callous mindset as the 18th century French Aristocracy. Little did they know, they would soon share a similar fate…
Despite their privations, there was one thing the Roiders had in abundance: asteroids and the ability to move them at will. This was one power with which the Mortgage Earth Federation had provided them. Piloting ‘roids was essential to the survival of the home’roid colonies, as a few unlucky collisions within the asteroid belts could easily wipe them out. The Roiders grew highly skilled at their ability to pilot these giant rocks, and some of them could navigate a home’roid the size of a mountain through the rings of Saturn without so much as a scratch.
One day, a skilled and popular young Roider pilot, named El-Harmo, had an epiphany: Why not use their ‘roid-piloting skills to deliver karmic justice to the heartless, degenerate Cryo-Boomers? So he and his fellow pilots quickly formed an alliance and hatched a plan. They would rain destruction and death upon the Cryo-Boomers. They would hurl ‘roids at the Earth until every last greedy, disgusting Cryo-Boomer was dead. The Cryo-Boomers would suffer the same fate as the dinosaurs --mass extinction by asteroid impact.
The Cryo-Boomers had no idea what about to hit them. They had an impressive ring of planetary defenses, but everyone was too self-absorbed to pay attention to the satellite images and radar screens when the early-warning alarms sounded. They too were busy having orgies, getting high, expanding their Super-McMansions, and shopping for bling to be bothered. By the time they realized what was happening, it was already too late.
A thousand small asteroids rained total destruction upon the hapless Cryo-Boomers from all directions. Every major city on every inhabited continent was utterly destroyed. The Roiders were careful not to cause too much destruction outside the heavily inhabited areas –after all, a rebuilt Earth was to become their new home, and they needed it relatively intact. A blanket of smoke and debris swallowed the atmosphere. It destroyed crops worldwide, fouled the water supply, and cut off the Cryo-Boomers from solar power –their primary source of energy. It was a near total holocaust.
Years later, when the smoke finally began to clear, the Roider colonist army landed and easily picked off the few remaining greatly weakened survivors. They set about repopulating the Earth, rebuilding its cities, and replanting the crops and forests with seedlings they had carefully preserved in their home’roid greenhouses.
They resolved to build a better world this time. Unbridled greed, selfishness and wanton waste would not poison their new home. They would build new communities around the concepts of individual responsibility, hard work, honesty and mutual respect for other people and the environment.
Wealth would no longer be automatically passed down by generational birth lottery, or accumulated by fraud, theft, nepotism or war. It was recognized that well functioning, transparent free markets were not an accident of nature, nor an inevitable result of human interactions. They were artificial constructs, which required careful planning and constant vigilance in order to ensure a level playing field of opportunities –though not free handouts-- for all. Regulation would be restructured away from price-fixing and government subsidies, as these created moral hazards even worse than the problems they were originally intended to “fixâ€. It would instead focus on disincentivizing criminal behavior and socially harmful externalities. Most importantly, risk had to be re-aligned with reward, and incentives carefully structured to reward hard work, thrift and honesty, while discouraging laziness, corruption and waste. The new Roider world government had no desire to be in business of encouraging –and publicly subsidizing-- reckless speculation.
Corporations no longer had the legal status equal to that of a “personâ€. CEOs and board members were elected by their shareholders –not each other-- and their compensation was set according to their relative merits and contributions. There were no more “golden parachute†clauses or free passes for corruption, fraud and law-breaking. Executives were held directly accountable for their company’s success or failures, and could just as easily end up broke or in jail as becoming incredibly wealthy.
Compensation was held directly proportional to hard work and results. Those who were willing to take large risks could still accumulate large fortunes --if their gambles paid off. However, if their gambles failed, they would be individually responsible for repaying their debts, however long that took. If one chose not to work, the state would provide you with a cot and minimal sustenance –that’s all. You would not be allowed to procreate (another needless burden on productive citizens) or to benefit from willful laziness. There would be no more socializing of reckless, speculative risk-taking, or subsidizing of willful laziness and irresponsible overbreeding.
As a result of these reforms, pay scales became much more even and speculative bubbles became exceedingly rare. The business cycle still existed, but it was much less severe, and did not impoverish millions for the benefit of an elite, wealthy few. Bright, ambitious people still took risks, but the potential risks were carefully evaluated up front, and had to be well justified by the rewards. Lazy people still existed, but were socially isolated and gradually bred out of the gene pool. The population stabilized, and the environment steadily recovered. As a result, the new Roider Meritocracy flourished. Within a few generations, poverty was eliminated and technology rapidly advanced. Hyperspace travel was developed and they began to colonize other worlds.
The Roider descendants never forgot the hard lessons of their ancestors, however. To this day, the worst insult you can call someone is a “Cryo-Boomerâ€.
"Come on, Gubernator -- you got what you want. Now give those people air! Give them AIRRRRR!"
HARM Says:
Here’s a happy ending to this story
C'mon, what's that, a neo-liberalist's wet dream??? Markets and the accumulation of individual wealth inevitably breed corruption, selfishness and the desire to make still more.
Markets Human nature and the accumulation of individual wealth inevitably breeds corruption, selfishness and the desire to make still more.
Peter P
2007 Jan 30, 3:31pm
Human nature and the accumulation of individual wealth inevitably breeds corruption, selfishness and the desire to make still more.
Peter P
2007 Jan 30, 3:37pm
No power in the 'verse can stop the dark side of humanity from doing harm.
To this day, the worst insult you can call someone is a "Cryo-Boomer".
I think as the current RE story plays out we'll be seeing quite a lot of Cry-O-Boomers. :)
The year is 2301.
Technological advances are able to provide seemingly unlimited water, food and energy. Nevertheless, some resources on Earth are severely limited. Substances can be created out of thin air but they are not making any more land. The longest housing boom in history is going strong after 300 years of uninterrupted price growth. Housing has become unaffordable to families who have never owned or inherited properties. On the other hand, property owners have the ability to extract infinite cash from their ever-increasing equities and they finance their luxurious lives on the blue planet. Others, less fortunate citizens, have no choice but to seek alternatives.
The Mortgage Earth Federation, a joint government of nations with its headquarters in what used to be the Marina District of San Francisco, had made space travel practical. For more than 150 years, humans have been colonizing smaller heavenly objects. Most who do now own their homes have chosen to rent land on asteroids. Within their community, these asteroids are passionately called Home'roids.
Life on these home'roids is tough. Hints of advanced technology beyond terraformation are largely absent. Relationships among residents are strained and often violent.
#housing