patrick.net

Dear Silly,

I finally tracked down your plain brown envelope. I had to win it back from Pamela Anderson who was protesting for PETA naked in front of the medical laboratory because she believed that they were doing animal testing. I won't tell you about the depraved things I had to do to get it back.

Don't worry about the content of the paper. You signed it, that's what's important. Now you're one step closer to complete freedom fellow Patriot! That part about dancing in the moonlight with all of your single female friends wearing only tinfoil hats at midnight with dueling banjos playing in the background was supposed to be a secret message to you that I'm sending you to infiltrate a Wiccan Coven that has attempted to infiltrate our organizations. I want you on the inside, so to speak.

I assure you that I listen to every word you say, dear Patriot! Never doubt it. Now that you have signed on you are an important instrument to bring about total liberation of America from the evil liberal network.

Yours in Christ on the Day He Died For Our Sins.... Simchaland...

simchaland says

I want you on the inside, so to speak.

Sneezed pepsi outta my nose on that one!

simchaland says

I had to win it back from Pamela Anderson who was protesting for PETA naked in front of the medical laboratory because she believed that they were doing animal testing. I won’t tell you about the depraved things I had to do to get it back.

I have porn blocked on my computer due to children... please do tell, it's the closest thing to it I'll ever get. Did it involve feathers, and is her fur the same color all over? Does silicone soften in the sunlight And how do they get animals to sit at those desks and fill in the right box with a #2 pencil (animal testing...)?

Did you have a meaningful conversation with Pamela? Does she know any words with more than one syllable? Did she cry out "Tommy" during the deed? Enquiring minds want to know.