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Faced with certain release as the deadline for the 53 man roster looms, Colin Kapernick, utilized a loophole in the the newly passed "No one should be fired or censured in the workplace for any speech that would be legally allowed in public" Patnet law to stave off a roster cut and get paid the $19 Million under his contract.

https://patrick.net/Why+are+consitutional+rights+not+enforced+in+the+workplace%3F

After 3 years of terrible play, Kapernick was on the chopping block to be cut, perhaps as early as this week. Yet being a faithful Patnet reader, Kaperneck realized his best move would be to pop off with his asshat "I hate America" remarks, so that the 49ers would have to keep him so as to not make it appear that the firing was in violation of this ill conceived law. "This is the great thing about living in the black and white (no pun intended) world of Patnet" Kapernick said. "I knew my play sucked, I knew I should be fired, but I figured I could muddy the waters by talking about jews or blacks or other workplace trolling I could sit on the bench and earn a massive paycheck - another Patnet victory!" he exclaimed.

Other players were not nearly as excited. "In the past 2 days, I have been interviewed 6 times by the media, and all they want to talk about is Colin" said 49ers Defensive Tackle Quinton Dial. "Why did this asshole create a massive distraction right before the season started" he exclaimed. "How are we supposed to focus on our jobs and get better as a team when we have to spend all our time and energy talkin to PR people about how to handle Kapernick questions?"

"After playing with guys like T.O. early in my career, I realized that some guys who cant keep their mouth shut and do their job are team cancers who should be fired immediately" quipped 49ers All Pro Navarro Bowman. "But now because of this stupid law, we have to keep him? Not only that but we have to let him dress and practice with the team because the law says no repercussions - what kind of B.S. is that?"

Worse is the fate of practice squad QB Jeff Driskell who likely would make the team if Kapernick was cut. Now that Kapernick cannot be demoted Driskell cannot make the 53 man roster as backup QB, causing him to lose close to a million in salary. "Colin was playing so bad, I told my wife we could finally quit renting and use my salary increase to buy a place on the peninsula." Now, because of this law, I am going to have to continue to rent - I am so F***in frustrated by this - I feel like buying a gun and shooting everyone at random in Palo Alto" exclaimed Driskell.

Bay area fans are now dismayed that a law ensures Kapernick can stay on the team likely resulting in another poor season. "This is what happens when you allow software guys write laws" according to preeminent scholar and ardent niners fan Jeffrey Toobin. "The world is filled with situations where good judgment in terms of when to speak and when to keep your mouth shut are required to succeed in life. High IQ low EQ guys you find in software, often cant understand this, and cant understand why their boss scolds them for alienating all their co-workers with breakroom lectures about black people." Said Toobin. No matter what laws you write - the fact is, saying stupid shit can and should have repercussions."

#PoorlyThoughtOutLaws