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Woke Polar Bear Apologizes For Being White


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2020 Aug 4, 10:02am   626 views  8 comments

by Patrick   ➕follow (55)   💰tip   ignore  

https://babylonbee.com/news/woke-polar-bear-apologizes-for-being-white

SAN DIEGO, CA—A polar bear at the San Diego Zoo has apologized to black bears, brown bears, and all other mammals of color for his "problematic whiteness."

The bear "got woke" after a leftist protesting the zoo for keeping animals in captivity bravely leaped into the bear's exhibit. After eating the protester, the polar bear picked up the book on critical race theory the woman had in her pocket and devoured it, first figuratively, then literally.

"Wow," he said. "I never realized how problematic my existence was before. I really need to think about this."

Shortly after reading the book, the polar bear, whose name is Chad, held a press conference in which he apologized for his many years of not being "woke" to the struggle of non-white animals.

"I am so sorry for everyone I've hurt," he said. "I am hereby canceling myself. Please listen to black and brown bear voices." He also announced that he was donating his remaining walruses to minority bears in need. "The overwhelming whiteness of the polar bear community should give us all paws."

The bear escaped the zoo, devoured several people, and cast himself into exile on an ice floe for his crimes.

Comments 1 - 8 of 8        Search these comments

1   Rin   2020 Aug 4, 10:27am  

Actually, in this case, the caucasian Polar bear is the most deadly of its species.

They silently hunt humans in the Arctic circle and can take you out in seconds whereas the brown and black bears are more passive-aggressive, growling much of the time, and only occasionally attack ppl.

Polars are the equivalent of the Nazi U-boats of the tundra. Beware of the White bears!
2   RWSGFY   2020 Aug 4, 10:45am  

Except polar bears are not technically white - their skin is black and their fur is colorless, transparent. The confused animal should retract its hasty apology.
3   Shaman   2020 Aug 4, 10:50am  

Rin says
Actually, in this case, the caucasian Polar bear is the most deadly of its species.

They silently hunt humans in the Arctic circle and can take you out in seconds whereas the brown and black bears are more passive-aggressive, growling much of the time, and only occasionally attack ppl.

Polars are the equivalent of the Nazi U-boats of the tundra. Beware of the White bears!


That is true.
Brown bears (of which grizzly is a sub species) may kill you if provoked but almost never eat humans.
Black bears don’t usually attack but will if hungry and will definitely eat humans.
Polar bears will smell you from miles away, hunt you down, and eat you happily. They prefer to eat game that’s still alive and wriggling. So that’s going to be just awful while the bear drags out your guts and eats them while you scream.
5   Rin   2020 Aug 4, 11:25am  

WHITE POWER!

WHITE POWER!

HEIL MYSELF!

6   Ceffer   2020 Aug 4, 12:48pm  

Maybe we should send them into the ghetto to groveltard.
7   prodigy   2020 Aug 4, 12:58pm  

Maybe you hit one of your tits by accident...
TrumpingTits says
Something is wrong with the upvote display after I upvoted it.
8   FortwayeAsFuckJoeBiden   2020 Aug 4, 1:21pm  

That’s fucking hilarious.

Will always remind me of that cowardly mayor in Minneapolis who said something about “his own brokenness “ before getting told to go fuck hisself anyway lol. What a fucking loser.

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