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Definitely a women’s studies Major. Nobody gets that upset at a stranger without some serious cognitive dissonance at work to justify borrowing $120k for a completely worthless degree. They just HAVE to prove that everyone else is a horrible person for making different (sane) choices!
SECRET//NOTRUMP
To Antifa Command:
Half the regiment walked home after we ran out of selfie sticks and wifi for instagram. Granola stores are dry. Our undercover op failed when the Red Caps started doing pushups and using improper pronouns
Send soylent#SecondCivilWarLetters
— Jack Posobiec?? (@JackPosobiec) July 3, 2018
Dear Parents,
We had no idea wearing all black in summer would lead to this many casualties. They warned us in Basic about living outdoors but we didn’t believe them.
Reports of Special Forces Q Brigades in the hills nearby.
Don’t pray for us. #SecondCivilWarLetters
— Jack Posobiec?? (@JackPosobiec) July 3, 2018
#secondcivilwarletters
My Darling Clara,
I write to you today along the Twittermattox timeline where the infirmary tents continue to fill without cessation, the woods ringing with the barking despairs hollowed-eyed souls driven to madness by butthurt and sick burns.
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) July 3, 2018
My dearest mother;
I'm all out of organic sunscreen and the microagressions have really taken a toll
I'm shook, the worst part of battle was when someone addressed me without proper pronouns, and assumed I wanted to use the men's restroom #secondcivilwarletters
— PinkAboutIt ?? (@Pink_About_it) July 3, 2018
Amy;
I am safely in Vancouver.
It is lovely. Everyone rides bicycles.
Their prime minister seems delightful.
I will attempt to send Coffee Crisp and Ketchup flavoured Lays to you and your battalion in the morn.
- James#secondcivilwarletters
— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) July 3, 2018
My dearest Madison;
Whilst engaging hostiles in Santa Clarita, we found ourselves pinned down between Starbucks, Peets, Seattle's Best and an Einstein's bagels. We are running low of seasonal blends and jalapeño cheddar.
Send rations.
- Regards, Corey
#secondcivilwarletters
— Steve Marmel (@Marmel) July 3, 2018
To the Parents of Sgt Phineas Hoobastank,
I write to inform you of the passing of your son.
His entire platoon was wiped out when their pink woolen caps were sighted through the woods by the enemy.
Your loving leader,
Chancellor Hillary Clinton#secondcivilwarletters
— Jack Posobiec?? (@JackPosobiec) July 3, 2018
My dearest Beatrice,
Time draws nigh as the summer days drag on and the Red Caps close in on our safe spaces
Our hope is lower than CNN’s ratings
The end looms near
We’ve lost Stormy Daniels
Sing her ballad
#SecondCivilWarLetters
— Jack Posobiec?? (@JackPosobiec) July 3, 2018
Clarissa,
You may have heard Paul Joseph Watson was captured by our company yesterday. He kept telling us to imagine his shock, until Fatima shoved her hijab in his mouth. He is being well treated, despite his protests at the soy milk. War is hell, eh? #secondcivilwarletters
— Mike Stuchbery ?? (@MikeStuchbery_) July 3, 2018
Dearest Xer,
Conditions on the front are grim. Our soy rations are down to two lattes a day. Wifi is only one bar. We have but the writings of Senator Ta-Nehisi to comfort us during the frog barrages. Intel reports General McInnes’ forces are on the move
#secondcivilwarletters
— Jack Posobiec?? (@JackPosobiec) July 3, 2018