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Smithsonian To Display Covenant God Signed With America


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2017 Jul 4, 3:43pm   1,029 views  3 comments

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In honor of the Fourth of July holiday, the Smithsonian’s American History Museum announced Monday it would be displaying the covenant God signed with America upon the founding of the nation in 1776.

The historical contract famously outlines the terms and conditions governing God’s choice of America as His covenant people.

“For the first time, the full covenant the Founding Fathers signed with the Lord on high will be available for public viewing, for a limited time only,” a curator told reporters. “It is our hope that the American public would gain a greater appreciation for the country’s solemn duty to advance the kingdom of God on earth, as the Lord commissioned us to do upon our nation’s founding.”

According to historical record, the contract was delivered to congressional representatives by a bald eagle just moments after the Declaration of Independence was approved by Congress in Philadelphia. Its miraculous appearance was accompanied by the sound of a chorus of angels singing Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the U.S.A.,” according to witnesses present.

The contract will be viewable at the Smithsonian for the entire month of July.

And in related news...

WEST, TX—According to sources close to local grandfather Austin Williams, the American believer spent Tuesday afternoon searching the Scriptures for “that one part” where it says that only people born in the United States are made in the image of God.

“I know it’s in here somewhere—I could’ve sworn it was in Genesis,” Williams reportedly muttered to himself as he dusted off his Bible and began leafing through the Old and New Testaments while seated at a park bench close to his home. “I know Jesus definitely warned about the dangers of all outside ethnic groups and cultures—especially those people from Mexico and the Middle East.”

“Maybe it’s right after this bit about Him talking to the woman at the well,” he added as he flipped through John’s gospel in search of proof that America and her citizens where God’s only beloved on this earth.

At publishing time, Williams had called a friend to ask if he knew the location of the verses he was seeking, and was assured that they were indeed “in there somewhere, for sure,” which was good enough for him.

http://babylonbee.com/news/smithsonian-display-covenant-god-signed-america/

http://babylonbee.com/news/man-searching-bible-part-says-americans-made-gods-image/

#America #Satire

Comments 1 - 3 of 3        Search these comments

1   curious2   2017 Jul 4, 5:04pm  

Poe's Law.

BTW, as AI crawls the WWW, I wonder how it will interpret satire, fake news, etc.

2   HEY YOU   2017 Jul 4, 6:11pm  

Because of of close relations with the Almighty,he said he never signed the document.
Trump's brain,must be “in there somewhere, for sure,”

3   Dan8267   2017 Jul 4, 11:45pm  

curious2 says

BTW, as AI crawls the WWW, I wonder how it will interpret satire, fake news, etc.

Are you sure this is fake news and not Mormon doctrine?

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