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My wife is forcing me to buy a house, becoming another slave

By KgK one follow KgK one   2012 Dec 6, 1:51am 31,425 views   62 comments   watch   nsfw   quote   share    


My wife has hard time managing our 2 bedroom apt but she wants a home now. Her parents, her cousins, and our friends now have a home and they have made her home purchasing zombie. My plan was to get a reasonable home that I can easily rent, when I move out. But since the differnce was about 50 K between a town home and a single, we went for single. She is very bad with math, she got convinced that we are throwing money out on rental eventhough my cost is less than half of owning a 300 K home.
She also thinks its an investment. My realtor has brainwashed her. I fought for 6 years but since we liked the home we are buying it.

Question is how do I make sure that she maintains the home and all the extra work without making me do it. I would work more but this home is being bought primarily for her prestige.

#housing

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41   New Renter   ignore (11)   2012 Dec 6, 1:10pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Peter P says

Call it Crazy says

How about just a real French maid?? Forget the costume..

I prefer to have a British maid but in French maid uniform. :-)

Bad teeth.

42   Peter P   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 6, 1:48pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Perhaps a British maid in French maid uniform with gold teeth.

43   Tenpoundbass   ignore (16)   2012 Dec 6, 9:54pm     ↓ dislike (2)   quote   flag        

Peter P says

I prefer to have a British maid but in French maid uniform. :-)

Well OK but only if she keeps quiet.
Peter P says

Perhaps a British maid in French maid uniform with gold teeth.

Yellow perhaps?

44   Tenpoundbass   ignore (16)   2012 Dec 6, 9:58pm     ↓ dislike (3)   quote   flag        

Call it Crazy says

CaptainShuddup says

...and 5 acres of land?

.5 acres as in 1/2....

Oh well that's still a (classic)double lot, or 20,000 sq ft lot.
Though lots have gotten smaller and tinier over the years.
Even my brother that lives in Boulder Colorado told me he could reach out of his side window and shake his neighbors hand doing the same.
This is Colorado big open spaces and even the lots there have gotten tiny.

45   saroya   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 6, 11:49pm     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

Tell your wife that if she insists on you buying that house then she has already established what the relationship is based on. Let her know that for about a quarter of the lifetime costs of that house you could "rent" many girlfriends who don't want a house.

46   Danaseb   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 6, 11:50pm     ↓ dislike (1)   quote   flag        

I swear men come in two flavors when it comes to dealing with women,

1) jerkoffs who talk women into giving it up promising a proper long term relationship, only to dump her in an adulthood fearing panic the second she mentions anything resembling 'life plans'

2) hen pecked zombies who do everything, sell his souls, future children's souls; to keep their evil witch of a women appeased.

If you have married her, support her enough to afford a 2 bedroom home and on top of it she has proven a crappy housekeeper and still she wants more, you have done more than enough. Divorce her.

47   Tenpoundbass   ignore (16)   2012 Dec 7, 12:00am     ↓ dislike (2)   quote   flag        

You want my advice on marriage?
Don't ask for marriage advice, on a forum based out of Fransisco with a large number of Gay subscribers.

Try the Key west conch republic forum instead.

48   FNWGMOBDVZXDNW   ignore (2)   2012 Dec 7, 12:20am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

I think we need an update for bmwman's accounting standard. Tongue is in cheek here. Bad humor is based on thread contents.

Monthly "Cash Throw Away" from Renting:
- Rent
- Utilities
- Hooker payments & bar tabs (to replace your wife's services, b/c she has left you for a house owner)

Monthly "Cash Throw Away" from Buying
- Mortgage Interest
- Annual property tax / 12
- Annual house insurance / 12
- HOA dues (if applicable)
- Monthly outlays to keep the wife happy (b/c you gave her a house, now she will want crap to fill it up & lots of primping)

49   mell   ignore (4)   2012 Dec 7, 12:35am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

turtledove says

You and your wife will have lots of financial decisions you have to make together.

He/she who earns (most of) the money will make the financial decisions, the SO can give input, but they should never be on the same level unless they both provide the same amount of money to the purchase. Once you have worked for a long enough time to pay bills and make bigger purchases, your decision-making process on spending a large chunk of money changes dramatically.

50   FortWayne   ignore (4)   2012 Dec 7, 12:35am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

bmwman91 says

Fuck dude, THAT house for $300k? I hate California sometimes. Something like that would be $2M here, and I am not joking.

That's just how big cities are. Move into a small town in a desert and you'll be paying 20k to 40k for exact same property.

51   New Renter   ignore (11)   2012 Dec 7, 5:40am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

FortWayne says

bmwman91 says

Fuck dude, THAT house for $300k? I hate California sometimes. Something like that would be $2M here, and I am not joking.

That's just how big cities are. Move into a small town in a desert and you'll be paying 20k to 40k for exact same property.

Ala Phoenix or Chunderville

52   New Renter   ignore (11)   2012 Dec 7, 8:42am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

New Renter says

E-man says

bmwman91 says

Fuck dude, THAT house for $300k? I hate California sometimes. Something like that would be $2M here, and I am not joking.

You don't hate CA. You hate the Bay Area. You can get something similar to that for a pretty cheap price in Central Valley, Inland Empire, or certain part of Monterey County.

True. Check out Rancho Murietta up by Sacramento. Many houses as nice as the one shown by the OP in a similar price range. Go up into the foothills and they get even better. Hell of a commute to the bay area though but if you own the house outright and keep expenses down you may be able to find a lower paid job locally that would pay the bills.

Sorry, my bad. The OP said $300k, not $375k.

BTW that house in MY South SJ neighborhood as a regular sale would run $600k-700k on 1/8 acre.

In most "good"bay area neighborhoods such a house would run $1M.

That $2M is for the fortress

53   bmwman91   ignore (1)   2012 Dec 7, 10:15am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

New Renter,
Yeah, I should have qualified that by adding, "that house, with less than a 40 minute commute to the tech job centers."

mell,
Oh boy...that's asking for trouble. Here's how I envision it going since this conversation has played itself out in my head.

H: "I respect your input and we can probably find a middle ground here. The thing is that I think it is a bad idea right now, and I do earn 2x as much money so I think I do get some say in this."

W: "So what? Why are you so selfish, I am your wife and you should try to take care of me as best you can."

H: "I am trying to take good care of you. In the long term, I think that we will regret this, as fun as it would be right now. I am trying to think of what is best for both of us right now."

W: "Well, fine. But it is not fair for you to say you get more influence just because you make a lot more than me. It's not my fault that our income is the way it is."

(aaaaand here's where I would get a ticket to the couch for the night)

H: "Hold on a sec. Weren't you JUST complaining about entitled welfare bums and the government giving our hard earned money to folks that make less money than us? It sounds like you are asking for the same thing."

W: *nuclear explosion*

(in real life, if you let the balance of power exactly mirror the income distribution...well, you probably shouldn't be married)

I think that a lot of these difficulties are pretty common in many relationships. Someone on a different forum summarized what I think that the core issue is, albeit crudely. "Women want to be treated like ladies and act like men." Fair enough, I think. If someone wants a free meal ticket, that's fine, but it isn't exactly free in reality. "Ladies" were generally home-maker women (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) that were financially dependent on men, and men were generally supposed to treat them as the gentler, fairer sex, and provide for them. Well, lots of women still want men to fully provide for them and treat them like ladies, while also being self-sufficient and independent to pursue their own ambitions. Sorry, those two don't exactly mix, at least in a way that is "fair" to men. Today though, you can't even say the phrase "fair to men" without being labeled a sexist by the PC police. Men are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination either, but this thread doesn't seem to be about that.

54   Bigsby   ignore (10)   2012 Dec 7, 11:50am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

New Renter says

bmwman91 says

Fuck dude, THAT house for $300k? I hate California sometimes. Something like that would be $2M here, and I am not joking.

It does make you wonder why we cling onto this area dosen't it?

Not really.

56   woppa   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 7, 12:52pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Bahahahaha that commercial is a riot.

57   CMY   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 7, 1:28pm     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

mell says

He/she who earns (most of) the money will make the financial decisions, the SO can give input, but they should never be on the same level unless they both provide the same amount of money to the purchase.

Hey, it works great for my father-in-law (who is also quite adept at dodging wine glasses thrown at his head, pretending he's deaf and usually inciting WWIII around the house whenever he loudly moans about having to pay for something).

Problem is, his wife generally keeps his life & house in order (including the kids). Hard to put a price on that.

58   mell   ignore (4)   2012 Dec 8, 1:13am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

CMY says

mell says

He/she who earns (most of) the money will make the financial decisions, the SO can give input, but they should never be on the same level unless they both provide the same amount of money to the purchase.

Hey, it works great for my father-in-law (who is also quite adept at dodging wine glasses thrown at his head, pretending he's deaf and usually inciting WWIII around the house whenever he loudly moans about having to pay for something).

Problem is, his wife generally keeps his life & house in order (including the kids). Hard to put a price on that.

Wow, he must be a 'nice' guy then. That wouldn't fly in my book, I'd hire a maid/nanny as needed instead.

59   KgK one   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 8, 1:58am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Compromise has been reached. We will share responsibilities, stuff i don't like will be done by her or we hire someone, yes we can afford it. For cleanliness portion, I will have my private room along with shared Master which will stay in clean environment and she will have basement to fill with junk. Basement will lots of junk will be her roaming area.

I have been searching home for almost 5 yrs and this one we both liked, so have to compromise. House is 3X space including basement than 900 sq ft apt. with 2 kids we could use the space. It is not a financial decision, I would have waited till interest rates were 8% and house prices were 1/2 given I have more than enough for Downpayment.

House is great was build by contractor for himself but then got divorced , single 4bd 2.5 bath 1/2 acre , with little stream in the back. Compare to NJ or CA or NY its amazing but keep in mind that people's salaries are low in PA. Standard of living will be same or slightly better.

60   bmwman91   ignore (1)   2012 Dec 8, 5:11am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

Glad to hear that you got things worked out.

Our economy is so fucked, I don't think that we'll see 8% interest rates again in out lifetime, at least as long as the current US dollar is used as our currency.

If you can comfortably afford it all, then you are good, really. At this point, I don't think that we will be seeing any other "deep discounts" on real estate thanks to heavy-handed central planning measures. Now's as good (or bad if you prefer) of a time as any in the next 5+ years to buy.

61   rufita11   ignore (0)   2012 Dec 8, 8:10am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

KgK one says

House is great was build by contractor for himself but then got divorced

I lived in a house built by a contractor for himself and his wife. He died in the house too. It was not a great house--not very well built. Lots of stupid decisions about roofing, siding and drainage. But it had million dollar, all bridge and bay views. And some cool features.

It was wired for radio inside and out. When we first moved in, I turned one of the dials on the control panel and didn't hear anything, so I just left it. In the morning, I went outside to discover my neighbors had been treated to loud country music all night long!

We even found some secret hiding places for who knows what. We agreed he probably hid coke in the house because we found other artifacts which indicated he and his wife were 70's party royalty. She left a closet full of liquor (some from private labels) and commemorative alcohol glasses from various political happenings.

Even though it leaked and mushrooms grew in the closets, I miss that place.

62   David Losh   ignore (1)   2012 Dec 8, 8:17am     ↓ dislike (0)   quote   flag        

rufita11 says

I lived in a house built by a contractor for himself and his wife

We also live in a house a contractor built for himself. He was a cabinat maker by trade, so there is an 800sq ft shop, completely wired. He also has the place wired for sound.

I have a huge office, but the kitchen is a little small with a ton of cabinets. There are tons of built ins.

I think KgK one did due diligence, and that is a very good thing.

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